Ad Infinitum

Chapter 29

©mugiichan, 2015

Mea Resplendent Dulcinea (Pt. 1)

***

I just watched Thaddeus walked out from the room, didn't hear me what I'm gonna say out. I sighed, feeling a little frustrated. Ano bang mali sa ginagawa ko? I was just being good to his sister. I'm just doing back the favor. Why can't he just understand what I really meant to say. I know, it's him who I'm gonna share the room with. Nagawa naman niya ito noon, and I don't even care about it. I was even comfortable with him around in one room because he already proved to me that he's not after his own advantages. Alam kong hindi siya pinalaking ganoon ni tita Franchesca. At, alam ko kung kasama ko ang best friend ko sa iisang kwarto, kukulitin na naman ako noon. Yes, I'm hiding from her endless questions. Silly right?

Pero bakit ba talaga nagagalit siya? Pasalamat nga siya, hindi ko siya iniisipan ng masama. I trust him. I do. Pero yun nga, nakakalito siya. Dahil alam niyang may mangyayaring hindi maganda? Hindi naman siguro.

He's acting so strange. More strange, lately. Basta, hindi ko maintindihan. Lagi ko naman siya hindi naiintindihan. Ano pang bago? Minsan okay minsan hindi, minsan nagagalit sa mga bagay-bagay na walang katuturan, gaya kanina sa kwarto... minsan ngumingiti na nakakaloka minsan... ay ewan! Ang labo! Ang labo talaga niya!

Gaya ng nangyari kanina sa pamamahay ng bestfriend ko. We were caught by her mother, hugging...

Kissing...

He kissed me, on the forehead. Not typically kissing. Me and my weird thoughts, again. I know, it doesn't have any meaning. He was just caring about me and for his nephew. I can't even look unto his eyes, for I don't even know why! Kahit kay Tita Franchesca, hindi ko man lang magawa. I always wander it around, trying keeping my state of calmness. I try to pay attention and wear a smile, to cover my fear and the rapid beating of my heart, but it doesn't make any sense! I was uneasy, tense... God, my nervous system is gonna break down! The people around me, they make me feel so uneasy even though they are innocent of doing it, especially Thaddeus. He always does that.

Oh god, here I am again, feeling the same feeling that I have with him before. We were fine already, up until now. It's starting to get awkward again. Even so, I still felt concerned na kamustahin siya dahil ang sobrang tahimik niya sa buong biyahe. Hindi ko na siya tinanong tungkol sa Thailand trip niya, knowing he usually does out-of-the-country trips very often. Even on the plane, he was so quiet and he always fidgeting his fingers like I used to do. Okay pa nga kami kanina na nagte-text sa isa't-isa pero ngayon, nag aaway kami na parang... Ugh, never mind.

Tumayo na lang ako at inaayos ko na lang yung mga luggage na nandito at ipinasok sa walk-in closet. Hindi ko na pinakialaman ang gamit niya baka mamaya, mapapagalitan na naman ako. Ayaw niya naman talaga na may nakikialam sa gamit niya. Kahit nga pamilya niya, nagagalit siya kapag pinapakialaman siya. Pa'no pa kung ako ang makikialam diyan? No thanks, baka kung ano pa ang masabi niya sa'kin. Bumalik na lang ako doon sa kama at humiga. Alam kong wala naman akong matagpuang tao doon sa labas dahil nga pumasok na rin yung mag-asawa sa kwarto nila. Siguro, nagpapahinga lang muna. Eh mas lalo yung isa, nag walk out talaga! Bahala siya sa buhay niya kung saan siya pupunta. Malaki naman siya para hanapin ko pa at bantayan. Napatingin na lang ako sa kisame, napatulala. Bakit sa tuwing napapagalitan ako ni Thad, lagi ko nafefeel na guilty ako sa ginagawa ko? Na palagi ako ang may kasalanan. I know he's harmless, sinabi pa nga niya sa'kin kanina pero bakit nararamdaman akong may gusto siyang ipahiwatig sa'kin na hindi man lang niya masabi-sabi. Ewan, nawi-wirduhan ako sa naiisip ko, pero malakas ang kutob ko na may tinatago siya. I knew more things about him when he usually stays with me together, kahit sa mga casual dinner nights na inaaya niya ako or inaaya ko siya. At saka tuwing may nangyayari sa'kin na mga kamalasan, nandyan siya lagi para alagaan ako, kamustahin at laging pinaparamdam na hindi ako nag-iisa. He is always there for me.