Ad Infinitum

Chapter 13

©mugiichan, 2015

I Can't...

***

Dali dali akong lumabas sa sasakyan at tumawid sa kabilang sidewalk. Matulin kong nilakad ang ang kahabaan nito pero wala akong nakitang Shaun ni anino nya. Nandito naman siya kani-kanina lang at sigurado akong hindi pa 'yon nakakalayo. Bakit ba kailangan kong magdusa nang ganito? Ganon ba kalaki ang kasalanan ko para parusahan ako nang ganitong kasakit? Naging mabuti naman ako pero bakit ba ganito? Bakit palaging ako na lang ang nasasaktan? Bakit paulit ulit na lang?

Bakit mo ako paulit ulit sinasaktan nang ganito, Shaun? Bakit?!

Patuloy parin ako sa paglalakad nang matulin at hindi ko inalintana at inabala ang nakabangga ko. Ang tanging gusto ko ay makita siya. Kahit nasasaktan ako, gusto kong malaman bakit nya ako iniwan. Iyan ang palaging palaisipan sa'kin.

And you left me
Standing on a corner crying,
Feeling like a fool for trying
I don't even remember
Why I'm wasting all these tears on you
I wish I could erase our memory
Cause you didn't give a damn about me
Oh, finally I'm through
Wasting all these tears on you
These tears on you

Minsan na nga lang akong maging masaya, pinagkakait pa sa'kin. Minsan na nga lang akong magmahal, sakit at pait rin ang kapalit.

You ain't worth another sleepless night
And I'll do everything I gotta do to get you off my mind
Cause what you wanted I couldn't get
What you did, boy I'll never forget.

Bago pa ako nakahakbang ay may humila sa'kin at kinulong ako sa kanyang mga bisig; niyakap nang mahigpit na tila wala na akong kawala. I wanted to protest, wanted to escape from everything. Especially from this warm, tight hug.

"Leave me alone!" I whimpered.

"Shhh..." I heared a man's voice whisphering to my ear as he leans on my shoulder. His voice was soothing like the wind; it tingles my ears to much like a cool music taming my aching soul and heart. But I was stubborn. I tried pushing him away but he hugs me tighter. He had no intention to let me go.

And you left me
Standing on a corner crying
Feeling like a fool for trying
I don't even remember
Why I'm wasting all these tears on you.

Ilang ulit na itong naging issue sa'kin pero hindi parin ako sumusunod sa dapat kong gawin. My heart was too stubborn, she had her own mind to dictate herself of what she wants. And that is to see the partner of her heart...

It was Shaun.

I wish I could erase our memory
Cause you didn't give a damn about me
Oh, finally I'm through
Wasting all these tears on you
These tears on you.

"Saab, I beg you. Please huminahon ka..." He says, still hugging me from behind; his hands are on my belly. "Please... I can't stand to see you like this!" I stopped protesting when I heared his words. I was still crying and some people were watching us like we're like shooting a drama. I was touched, but my heart constricts. I faced him, completely going out of his embrace. Pinagbigyan na man nya ako.

"Hindi mo ako naiintindihan, kuya! You don't understand my feelings." Dinuro ko siya. "You don't know how painful it is I've been through. Can you blame me if I act like this? Can you blame me if I act like a fool of everyone like you've said to me? Can you blame me to cry over and over again about Shaun? Can you blame me all of those?! CAN YOU?!" I bursted to him, tears are still running down in my cheeks. It kept on flowing like a river of unending tears. "Tell me Thaddeus Avana! Can you?!"