Ad Infinitum

Chapter 44

©mugiichan, 2016

Two

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I was on the bed all day after I asked Mika that I'm going to have a sick leave today and for the next few days. I've never been this sick until now and I still can't understand why I am like this. Sanay naman sana akong mag eroplano, mag-travel kung saan-saan. Ngayon lang talaga nangyari 'to sa'kin and I couldn't pinpoint why my body acts this way. Even Pumpkin is worrying about me. She just looks at me, curious and feeling sad. She knows that I'm not feeling well right now. Even up to this moment she just slept beside me and behaved herself.

I was staring on the ceiling as I caressed Pumpkin as she sleeps comfortably when my phone started to ring. It was Thaddeus. I know I sounded so sick so, I just declined the call and start to text him.

Sorry, I'm just busy. Can't accept your call right now. I typed. As much as I wanted to hear his low, soothing voice, I can't. I don't want to. Yes, I was confusing. I'm confused with myself too. But just a minute after, he replies.

I'm sorry about the call. Are you in a meeting right now?

Nope. Just finishing things up. I lied. Liar. What's with you again, Saab? Akala ko ba okay na kayo? Okay ka na, di'ba Take care of yourself, love you. Dagdag ko sa text ko.

Okay sweetheart, gonna see you later. Love you more.

I placed my phone back on the nightstand and slept back. I was sleeping so comfortably and in that moment I jolted up when my phone rang. "Hi sweet, I was wondering if you have some spare time today. Maybe if we could have a lunch-"

"Argh! Can't you just stop calling?!" I muttered angrily, half awake. "I'm sleeping for f-cks sake!"

"Saab? Hey... It's me, Thaddeus. W-what's going on?" I was awaken to my half-awake state knowing that it is Thaddeus. Oh god, what did I just said? Did I just scold him up? "Saab? Saab, can you hear me?"

"Where are you?" He adds but I didn't utter any word. "Please say something."

"Please leave me alone." I whimpered, begging him. "Not now, please."

"I'm going to your office." He said, worrying. "What's happening to you, sweetheart? Did do something wrong? I'm worrying about you."

"I said, leave me alone!" Tinapon ko ang phone ko papalayo sa'kin. I propped my knees and hugged them and tears starts to fall down from my eyes. I saw mom in my dreams once again. We were happily together walking around at the Seonyudo park. I still can feel her warmth on my hand, I can still remember her radiant smile as she looked at me; she looked so happy and contented. I can still remember when she teases me about I and Thad going out frequently. I could still remember her sweet giggles and her laughters. I could still remember how happy she is the moment she called Thaddeus as his son. She wanted us to be together but I just... I just can't believe she's gone... She's gone for good.

I continued to cry as I rested my forehead on my knees. Even how many weeks have passed now, I still can't accept that mom and dad already left for good. I haven't gave them my proper goodbye. I haven't hugged them tight for the last time. I haven't kissed their cheeks goodbye. They left me... They left me all alone, hanging!

I was about to visit them very soon, and live together with them. I want to spend more time together with them. I want them to be with me on my wedding in the future. I want them to walk with me in that red-carpeted aisle as they send me forth to my future husband? Those wishes won't come true anymore. They won't come back. They won't send me forth. They won't see what will happen to me on the next few years. Never will be.