Figments || FIN

0.3: Reminders

"Ain't the first time cause I lost you before , had to get it back , had to get back" - Days In The East (Drake)

5:30 am (Three hours later) .

    The two laid peacefully on the long length maroon couch . However, no words had been exchanged between the two since they entered the guys residence. He laid horizontal while she sat up , his legs spread , taking up half of the sofa . Lost a show that had to be at least a decade old played on the TV . What had been familiar to the girl was unfamiliar to the boy who laid beside her yet she watched it intently , as if it the plot was completely new to her. The sound of munching echoed throughout the living room along with the muffles of the Lost cast. The guy had indeed bought her a plate of nachos (which she happened to be obsessed with already) even though she had told him not to . Even though the two were barely speaking she gladly took the plate from him when he revealed it.
    Events from previous hours crossed his mind. He thought about how her temple looked so dull and lifeless after she rushed out of the building and straight to his car. How she simply stood there, staring into the passenger window with water filling her eyes. He attempted to talk to her multiple times within the twenty minute ride to his place but she didn't say a word. Occasionally he found her sniffling in the seat beside him as she stared out of the window or glancing at her phone texting her most recent contact. He could tell that she knew he was glancing at her every so often but she didn't bother to give in and glance back . 
    Looking between his ripped denim pants, he stared at the girl. After a moment , she placed another now soggy nacho into her mouth and chewed . The sound of munching no longer filled the room. Brown orbs locked when she turned her head. No emotion played in her eyes unlike him . Before he could say anything, she finished chewing the cheesy material and spoke.

"It's ok ."

"It's not. I know you." He said,sternly .

"But maybe-"

"Maybe if I keep believing that,then it'll become true', yeah I know. That's not true though."

"It is true. I know where we stand . No restrictions remember." She shrugged, her eyes low.

"But.." He trailed off, his heart dropping slightly as she used his words against him.

"You can do whatever you want, so you should. It's just different to actually see it in person . I've never reacted like that in front of you . I've never had to actually sit there and witness it. I know we're not dating, trust me I do. I'm not really yours and you're not really mine. It's just a now and then thing. Maybe it's because of the time span we were withholding . Obviously, I didn't expect you to wait and I wouldn't want you to. We never set up a foundation for ourselves. There aren't restrictions. Just like I've dated, you should be able to do so too. Almost another figment of my imagination. I don't know what this is or how to describe it. Maybe there's no need to even do so. Although, it's somewhat consistent, you deserve someone who you actually connect with and can build a future with. I realize, that's not me. I know that's not me. That's perfectly fine,I just.."

   She sighed and remembered how they once talked about meeting and joked about the future. She removed her hair from the sloppy bun and continued to talk,"I just wish you'd give me a warning sometimes. Cut me off or maybe just tell me?"

The boy stared at her , not knowing what to say. He was beyond speechless. The girl chuckled and shook her head.

"I was just so in love with the thought of you. I don't know how you became so compelling . You became the person I ran to in a time of need, the person I was beyond open with. You were just different. "

"Honestly, it's okay. I'm fine ." She smiled, sincerely after she realized she was beginning to ramble on, "It's not the first time..I'm slowly getting used to it."

   Devastation hurriedly washed over his face. He was no longer staring at the girl in front of him, who's curly hair was now flowing over her shoulders. He was staring in her direction but at nothing in particular . He didn't know how to feel or what to say. She had basically admitted that she hadn't been fine (which he knew) but she became accustomed to it. The same feelings that washed over her had were currently normal. Her heart dropping every so often because of a person she once only knew via Internet . How was that so?

  She no longer cared . Her strong feelings for the kid had now died down . What was once light , is now dim. That's what hurt the most. She had taken down a guard , only to put up a new one that was made of up of a different material . She had stated their wrong doings but in a formal way. She wasn't bitter about it , that's not who she was. All she wanted was to get her point across and she had done just that.

In that moment he knew the trust between the two was never going to be the same.

   Pushing himself up, his face was hard. His feet swung across the edge of the sofa and hit the fabric on the floor . His heart ached but it didn't ache as much as he thought it would; a numbing feeling that was similar to the girls. He'd heard previous wording from her before via iMessage . However, being face to face changed everything . How could it not? He rested his elbows on his knees and covered his face , sighing in the process. Timing did play a role along with multiple other things. He had been involved with her , but he had also been involved with someone else .  Although it wasn't the same , he still loved her dearly and as he had told her before, he'd love her through anything . Which he did. He'd be happy with and without her (most of the time) . He'd make sure he found ways to smile and laugh. Certain moments did make him sad but he'd try to stay positive . Positivity was a common desire between the two.
    She thought one moment he was trying and the next he'd push her away (she ended up inhabiting a similar cycle). Recently, that had been the case. He disappeared for a while and came back as if nothing had happened, only to tell his side of the story when she began to vanish as well. She had been content after she found herself alone . Now , however, she felt herself having mixed emotions . She was simply conflicted .