I Chose You- A Danisnotonfire / Dan Howell FanFic

Chapter 8: Home

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Lia dropped her bag next to the door of our apartment. "So where am I sleeping?"

"I can take the couch, you can have my bed, if you like." I stepped around her as I headed for my room. Phil was still asleep, and I was exhausted. 

Lia scoffed. "No, I'm not letting you do that." 

I looked at her as she stood there awkwardly. "Why not? I insist."

"Because." She stated simply, jumping on the sofa and shutting her eyes. "Thank you for having me."

I yawned as I passed her a blanket and one of my pillows. "It's fine. I'll see you in the morning, I'm exhausted."

"Er, do you have any bread?" I heard her say quietly, and I nodded. 

"Help yourself." I shut the door to my bedroom and got undressed for bed. As soon as I hit the bedsheets I succumbed to sleep. 

I woke up to a knock on my door, and I looked at the clock- 3:32pm. Oh God I'm tired.

"Dan?" Lia's quiet voice echoed in my room, and I rubbed my eyes, looking up at her. 

"Hey Lia, what's up?"

"Do you have any...plasters?" 

I was suspicious instantly. "You should have asked Phil. What have you done?"

"Nothing." She said far too quickly. I noticed she had chose to wear a long sleeve top. 

"Lia, don't tell me what I'm thinking."

"Dan...fine I'll ask Phil. Phil!?" As soon as she left I jumped out of bed, pulling on some bottoms and chasing after her. She gasped as I grabbed her arm and pulled up the sleeve, showing the painful looking gashes on her skin.

"What did you use?" I growled, giving her a glare. Her jaw tightened, she wasn't going to spill. "Fine, guess we'll have to lock away every sharp object we own then." I sighed, letting go of her arm, disappointment consuming me. I walked off back to my bedroom and before I went back inside I turned back to Lia. "You know, if you want to continue to hurt yourself like this, I don't want to watch. Go back to your sister and be grounded for months." 

I heard Lia groan when I was under my bedsheets. "Dan! That's not fair!" She opened my door and climbed on top of my bed. "Look, Dan, you can't tell me I can't self harm. It's my way of dealing with things, okay? You were in the exact same position as me, self harming, so just...let me do my thing."

"But I can't stand here and watch you do that to yourself!" I sat up in bed and took her arm, delicately pulling up her sleeve, frowning when I saw the gashes. I stroked them carefully, shuddering. I looked back up at Lia, before pulling out my own self harming scars. 

"See this one?" I pointed to the long pale scar tracing from my wrist to the crook in my elbow. "This was the one I regret most, and is most noticeable. I had hit a major low in life. Life had no meaning, I had nobody there for me. I almost killed myself that day." I paused for a second, smiling a little. "I met Phil a week later, and he helped me through this. I haven't cut since."

Lia was silent for a long time, and I let her think it over. She opened her mouth, thinking over what to say. "Does this mean I don't get a plaster?"

I smirked, standing up and finding the first aid kit in the kitchen. She held out her arm as I put a plaster on the worst one. It's all step by step, and I think in that moment, I had earned her trust.

Over the week Lia got used to living here. Yes, she got the couch, but she didn't mind, and when Jess came over I saw her eyes light up over how Lia was doing. She pulled me into a hug when Lia had popped to the toilet.

"So she hasn't been playing up? Her boyfriend has been knocking on our door everyday but I told him to consider himself single."

Phil raised an eyebrow at her. "What if he finds her and she thinks they are still together?"

Jess looked at me. "Has she said anything about them?"

I shrugged. "I think she's just clearing her head. She hasn't been out all week." 

Phil smirked at me and I silently pleaded that he wouldn't tell Jess what had actually been going on this past week. 

I admit...I've not been the smoothest person this week. I don't know what has changed in me, but every time I have interacted with Lia, I end up doing something incredibly stupid. Tripping over nothing, not being able to form actual words, messing with my hair way too much and fiddling. I didn't know what was wrong with me, until Phil decided to call me up on it midway through the week.

"You like Lia, don't you? Go on, you can tell me." He grinned as he messed with his laptop. I shook my head.

"No way. She has a boyfriend, remember? And shush! She's only in the shower, she might hear you."

"Please, Dan. I've never seen you be any less smooth than over the past few days. You might not notice it, but I do."

I sighed. "Yeah, I have noticed. I can't help it! I don't know how to be less of a fail."

"Well it's your life. If you want to continue being single for the rest of your life, fine by me."

"Oh the horror!" I gasped, laughing. But in all seriousness, I was freaking the fuck out. I haven't had a girlfriend in years, and the first girl I want to get serious with, has a boyfriend. Who treats her like shit. Which in my mind, is a bigger sign that we should be together.

Oh the horror, indeed.

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