Dark and Light

Chapter 9

A few days later.

It was approximately 11:57 pm. While all the children in the orphanage dreamt of their deepest desires and secrets, Near was wide awake, staring at the dim ceiling and wishing to be someone, anyone other than himself.

'If I weren't me... If I weren't a candidate to be the next L.. Mello.. Mello and I we.. We could be together,' he closes his eyes and imagines a life where there is no competition, no reason they were rivals.

A place were he could be Nate and Mello could be Mihael.

But sadly, this, this was reality. In which he could never truly be in a successful relationship with the boy he adored, maybe they were young, maybe they were out of their minds but really Near was more mature than any other twelve year old on the face of the Earth.

He knew his feelings towards the blond. He wanted to deny them... Remain emotionless as he always had been. But it was something about the wicked glint in Mello's blue eyes, the way he smiled, so beautifully and confidently... Something about him that triggered the butterflies in the pale boys stomach to erupt, the urge to touch his cheek and whisper sweet nothing's into his ear.

Near wanted nothing more than to hug this chocolate addict and stay by his side, no responsibilities tying him down.

But no. That wasn't possible.

The boy shut his eyes and thought back to Friday. What Mello had said...

"I'm sorry I lost it. But I don't know how I feel, I love you, I hate you, I want you. I want you to love me back. I want to be with you... But I can't seem to... Control myself around you. I always seem to lose it... But please Near. Just give it a chance? Please?"

So many feelings, too many. It was overwhelming and uncomfortable. As if trying to breath underwater. They all wondered why he was so emotionless. It was because it was too much, too much to handle and feel. But there were some emotions he liked, excitement, happiness, and hope. They all made him feel... Human. 

Near picked up a nearby toy, which was a finger puppet of Matt. Matt... He hasn't been the same. Near wasn't sure why yet, but the redhead, usually naturally bursting with life and joy, was forcing smiles and faking laughs. His facial expressions said happy, but his eyes... His emerald green eyes hidden behind his goggles screamed pain.

Pain beyond a doubt caused by someone he must love and care about very much. This made the albino curious on who could possibly suck the liveliness from the gamer and replace it with such remorse?

He sighed and placed finger puppet Matt down.

Then laid on the bed, hopelessly attempting to fall asleep. But he couldn't. No matter how many sheep he counted or closed his eyes or repositioned himself, Near couldn't bring himself to sleep.

The door creaked and as the pale boy expected, Mello quietly snuck into his room.

"You asleep Near?" Mello whispered in the dark.

"No, though I am trying."

Mello smiled broadly and slipped in between the covers,"So you haven't gotten any rest either?"

"I suppose not." Near turned around so he wouldn't have to face him.

"Near.." Mello whispered again and wrapped his arms around the tiny boy,"Near.."

"What do you want Mello?" He replied.

"You know," he softly pecked Near's hair, then neck."Exactly," more pecks,"What I want."

"I'm currently still thinking of your suggestion. Please be patient with me, Mello."

Mello sighed loudly and clutched him tighter,"You're adorable. Have I ever mentioned that? You're like a little sheep, so sweet and innocent."

Near's cheeks flushed with pink and he was at a loss for words. Mello had never compliment him in this form, and it slightly startled him.

But at the same time, he was enjoying that Mello thought of him in that way.

"So soft and cute.." Pretty soon, Mello was snoring and still holding Near. Smiling, the albino also fell asleep from listening to the blondes soothing snores with the sensations of feeling safe and warm. Drifting into a place were he could be Nate... And Mello could be Mihael...