Story of a Wallflower : Freshman Year

October 7, 2015

if any of you guys were wondering, yes I did change the tittle of this story. I am very sorry for being very bad at making up story tittles. If any of you guys want you can comment a story tittle and I will consider them

My "friends" are starting to realize that I am sad and depress. Emotions are honestly the hardest thing for me to define. I don't really know if i am happy. I don't really if I am angry and if I am why? I like to call the emotion I have most often is down.

Honestly I have always been like... this. I honestly do not know if I actually have depression or i'm just down but either way I want this feeling to stop. I want to go to a doctor so I could know certainly if I am diagnosed with anything.

My "friends" think that I am sad for tiny thing that happen in my life: cafeteria ran out of my favorite cereal, I got a B on my Spanish test, or the vending machine ate my dollar. These type of events are just life and I cant get mad at the world for this. 

I am just down.

yesterday at school was just like any other school day but today in English (out of nowhere) my "friend" Cindy said,

"I don't know why you are wasting your time on Daniel. He is a junior and you are a senior. He will never go out with you." 

I did not even say hi to her yet and those were the first word she said to me. I alway knew that he was a junior and that I was a freshman. I always had doubt that we would never be together someday but it hurts it even more when someone says it too.

I did not respond to her I just sat there and pretended I did not hear what she said. but for the rest of the day I wondered why she told me.

yesterday  I also went to my first wrestling practice (I am not going to wrestle. I am just going to be the manager of wrestling).

 I don't know if I told you this but my history teacher is the wrestling coach. A few weeks ago we were learning about Mozart and he asked the class if any of us wanted to make a bet. No one raised their hand so I raised my hand. 

"okay. The bet would be 'you have heard Mozart very first song he wrote.' he wrote this song when he was five. If you loose this bet you shall join the wrestling team. " he said.

I was for sure I never heard a song by Mozart so I accepted his bet

"I bet I haven't" I said very sure of myself and the whole classed just started at me.

"okay" he said with a dramatic paused, "have you heard 'twinkle twinkle little star'?"

as I grew silent the class grew in screams and laughter.

"Welcome to Wrestling" the words he said that made me ache in pain.

I have history my last period and the wrestling room is right next to the history classrooms so I walked with my teacher over there. 

I was scared walking to the wrestling room today. But I was confused on who/what I was scared of most: the size of the guys, the image of me wrestling, or the fact that my crush Daniel was in it. Probably the last one.

I was the 1st person in the room. 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th, was Daniel and some of his friends. He never said Hi but he did not ignore me either. (Its kinda hard to explain)

there are no doors separating the locker room and the wrestling mats. To not make any one feel awkward , including me I sat in the corner and tried not to look at them.

 I was listening to some of there conversations and mostly what they were talking about was penises. I thought that was very weird.

This one girl did come in.

"are you managing or wrestling?"

"managing" 

"come here I will show you what to do. I am the other manager"

Literally all she wanted me to do was watch here wipe up up the mats. She did not want me to help her. Even thought she did not want my help I still did. I took the mop from her and put it back in the wash room.

then she told me if I put my hands on my face I can get ring worm since I held that mop. I don't know if it true or not but I did not want to take any chances.

Throughout the whole practice I did nothing but sit in a chair. It was pretty boring and every time a wrestler hit the ground my body started aching more and more. The other manager kept telling me the basic concept of wrestling and stuff. shes a junior by the way and this is also her first time wrestling. She also told me a little about each wrestle (except the newbies because she did not know any of them and Daniel) I don't know why or how she did not talk to Daniel because the were both Juniors.

Then she told me one rule "Never date any of these wrestlers because the are very weird."

I did not say anything but you probably no what was going on through my mind when she said that...Daniel.

I feel like the world is not wanting me to be with him but I have tried so many times to stop liking him. I wish i could stop liking him as quickly as I started liking him.

After wrestling practice was over my history teacher said, 

"are you sure you don't want to wrestle?"

"Yes, I am 100% sure." I said. I really really did not want to wrestle. After I realized he was going to say nothing more I walked away.

I really don't want to do wrestling...or even managing. 

I have learned my lesson not to make bets with teachers.