Story of a Wallflower : Freshman Year

December 30, 2015

My second least favoriite time of year is Christmas......first is my birthday.

You can call me the grinch all you want.

I TRULY HATE CHIRSTMAS.

I never get the gifts I want. This is not the reson I hate Christmas. "Besides Christms is not bout the gifs." It is aabout spending time with family... That is why I hate I. Especially is my dad makes me and my little  brother visit my grandpa.

My mother, my father, my little brother, and I are athiest. My grandpa is the most reliious christian you would ever meet. He is also racist, sexist, homophobic, and not very understanding and very old-fashion  of others thoughts.

We visited Christmas Eve. When we walked throuh the doors the first thing he told me was, "Merry Christ-  Why are you wearing that beanie? Take it off."

I was wearing the beanie because it was cold outside but I did not tell him that because I realized from previous visits its best to say nothing.  When   I took off my beanie, I did not reallize it was the first time he had  seen my hair cut, until he said, "Oh lord! Why would you  do that to your hair?"

I did not want to tell him the story or tell him anything at all so my dad did.
"Change. Don't you like it?

After my dad said that my grandpa just kept talking about how I was going to hell and telling us how much he hated my hair.

Then he stared talking about how my brother and I were brain washed. He kept saying we were not animals and that we were superior to  all animals. He even said we don't have animal cells. My brother and I both waneed to yell, god is not real!!

Later, out of nowhere, he asked, "Do you have a boyfriend?"
"No, I am trying tojust focus on education right now'" When I replied I thought he would be proud of me. I told him the truth, I don have a boyfriend but the reason was not very truth full I just thought it would make him love me. The real reasonis that every guy I had ever had feelings for this year, I dont thinkthey  felt the same way.

"You need to get a boyfriend." He said.

"What?" I said.

"You need to get a boyfriend. You are 14. Did you know your mom and dad started dating at 15. Make sure you cook for your boyfriend" After he said that I kind of zoned out because I got a text.

It was from Marcos (the guy I thought liked me but we stopped talking hen he found out I was a freshman)

Ever since the first text he sent me he began flirtng with me. I dont think that our text mean anything because I dont feel the same waay about that I did at the begining of the school year. Ever since Christmas Eve we would text ever night. I really like it when he text me because he would always complement me and say he would rather cuddle with me than whatever he was doing at the moment. I really liked the attention he  would give me, because it was attention I never got. The weird thing about it however is that I know he doesnt like me. He is like a flirt or something. I wish it could be Daniel texting me insted of Marcos.

Heather texted me for the first time since the Star Wars movie came out.
She told me that she was sorry for flaking and she had gotten her phone taken away. I replied with, "its okay. merry christmas" but I honestly was not okay about it.

You would never believe what Daniel got for his birthday. He got a brand new 2015 BMW. When my mom told me, I was pretty jelous.

BMWs are one of my LEAST favorite cars. I think they are really ugly, but just getting a car under the tree instead of a $50 gift card to starbucks is a deal I would take anyday.

Yesterday I went to Universal Studios for the very first time. When we went it was SUPER crowed. I am guessing it is because it is the holidays. Many tourist were there.

I had alot of fun but I think I would have enjoyed myself more if it wasnt so crowed.

After we left, we went to Universal City Walk. I have been here millions of times. We went to my favorite stores, Hot Topic and Lush. My family ate at Bubba Gump Shrimp. I sat with them but I did not eat.

My mom told me and my little brother something weird and VERY unexpected.

She told us she was pregnant........four years ago.

(not including the baby I just found out about)  I have 5 siblings.

brothers
2 sisters

My oldest sibling is the brother I went to the movies with the other day. He is the the one I hate the most (I know hate is a strong word, that is why I used it.)

The second oldest is a girl. I never met her because she died when she was 5 drowning. Its a blessing and a curse that she died. She died August 29, 2000 and I was born May 12, 2001. My mom told me a few years ago she had me because she wanted to replace my older sister. Within a week of her death she concieved me. She always says they would not have had me if it wasnt for her death. Sometimes I wish she did not die so I would be here though.

Next is my little sister. I know nothing about her accept she is a girl and she is dead. Im glad she is dead because I cant stand kids.

Finally its my little brother. He is alive. Even though e argue alot, he comes in handy and I would not have met Daniel if it was not for him.

Now going back to tthe baby I just found out about

My mom told us that in 2012 she was pregnant. She found out when  she was a few weeks in. The baby died less than a month later.

My family keeps alot of secrets from eachother. Sometimes we are good at it and other times we arent. This secret however, my mom kept pretty well.