Story of a Wallflower : Freshman Year

September 6, 2015

It's 12:00 a.m. on the dot.

I just wanted to say something.

If you notice I don't make another journal entry for over 5 weeks it's because I am dead.

I don't know when I'm going to die but I know it will happen. Obviously. Maybe sooner than later.i honestly don't know.

Every day I grow another reason if why I hate myself, the people around me, and even my life.

I don't know if I'm going to kill my self or not but it doesn't seem like a bad idea at this moment right now.

I know I'm really going through hard shit when music doesn't even make me feel better.

I keep listening to my favorite youtubers and bands saying don't commit suicide because it doesn't solve anything, but I've made a list of things suicide solves and doesn't solve

. I came up with 33 things that suicide solves but only one thing suicide doesn't solve and that I'd what the future could hold for me. And if you are very pessimistic like me the future doesn't matter if all you want is happiness and clarity.

And honestly if someone killed me right now I would die happy. I would tell the person thank you if I could. I don't care if I die slowly and painfully of quick and painless. A sling as I'm dead I know I would be able to feel things: physically, mentally, amd emotionally.

So yeah I just want to say if you guys read this you guys aren't the reason for my death. But you guys are gonna know are gonna know the reason of it. And it's my family, my "friends", and myself.

I feel like I needed to say this so if you guys were wondering why I wasn't making new entries at any give time, you guys would have that question answered already.

Yours Fucking Truly,

That Girl