Who Knew? // 5SOS [ #Wattys 2015 ]

Chapter 71

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER COULD TRIGGER YOU. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU'RE EASILY TRIGGERED. and please come to me if you need something, I'll listen to anything and try my hardest to help <3

It was the middle of the night and I'm lying in bed, tossing and turning as I can't sleep. The nasty voices and words keep replaying in my head. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't get them out of my head unless once, just once, I take that blade to my wrist again.

That's exactly what I did. I stood up, walking quietly to my bathroom and shutting the door. I didn't bother locking it considering its 4 am. I flopped down to the ground, reaching over for my razor. I mustered up strength to break it, wincing at the pain it caused my wrists.

I bit my lip, holding the blade an inch above my skin. What the hell I thought, digging the sharp metal into my scarred wrists. I squeezed my eyes shut and let the pain take over me.

. . .

It was now 5 am and I was still on the bathroom floor. I cleaned myself up fifteen minutes ago but I didn't have the energy to go back to my room.

I heard my stomach growl fiercely, telling me to eat.

"No," I whispered to myself. I walked out of the bathroom, scared of Ashton hearing me. I limped into my bed, letting out a sigh. I grabbed my phone and headphones, turning them all the way up and listening to sad music.

. . .

I don't know when I fell asleep but I woke up to Luke pulling out my headphones.

"Babe, that's way too loud!" Luke said in a concerned tone. I could clearly hear Powerless by Linkin Park playing. I shuffled under the covers, the sheets rubbing against my wrists. I winced at the pain, tears springing in my eyes. Luke's eyes widened. He sat down on my bed, pulling back my covers and grabbing my hands. I tried to pull out of his tight grip but failed.

Luke inspected my fresh cuts.

"This is from last night isn't it?" He whispered. I nodded wearily, tears streaming down my face.

"You're staying in bed, no phone and the boys and I will constantly check on you. This can't happen anymore Babe," Luke explained. I watched as he took my phone off my bed, my headphones going along with them. Luke started to walk out of my room.

"You can't do this! You're not my father! You're my damn boyfriend!" I screamed angrily. I tugged at my hair, huffing.

"What just happened?" I heard Ashton's soft voice. I looked up to see him standing in the doorway, hair all messy from sleep. I stared at him as he rubbed his eyes, awaiting my answer. I couldn't hold it back as I started sobbing. Ashton gave me a little frown. He shuffled towards me, hugging me close to his chest. I gripped his shirt in my hands as I sobbed.

"What happened El?"

"L-Luke took away my phone and everything. He thinks I'll get better by having no contact with the outside world," I mustered out. I watched as Ashton glanced down at my wrists, his frown growing.

"Elly, I don't think Luke is completely wrong. If it's the fans that are making you do this to yourself you can't focus on that. You need to focus on the love you do have, which is us," Ashton agreed with Luke.

"Fine," I sighed, pulling away from Ashton.

"You want some breakfast?" Ashton smiled a small smile.

"No, I'm not hungry," I said, the mention of food having my stomach beg for it. I can't give in. Not today.

Ashton rolled his eyes at me but didn't argue. He patted my knee, getting up and heading out of my room. I watched the empty hallway, Michael and Calum still sleeping and unaware of everything.