Calum
I groan in pain coming into consciousness; when I open my eyes they focus on white curtains. My heart beats faster as I start to panic, I have no idea where I am. I sit up quickly, regretting instantly as my head pounds. Okay Calum what did you do? I try thinking really hard of how I got here.
Then it just hits me. I remember coming to Taylor's house, for a unknown reason. It was raining then- oh my gosh. Did I actually fucking cry? But she hugged me back, why the hell would she do that?
I push the blanket off me, then I swing my legs to side of the bed and I hop down. I notice a glass of water and a advil on the night stand. Why is she being so nice to a asshole like me? I grab the glass of water and the advil and take it back. I quickly make the bed, then grabbing the glass of water I walk out of the room. Instantly I find the stairs and walk down them. I follow the noise I hear to the kitchen. Once I'm in the doorway I see Taylor buttering toast. "Hey." She turns her head and our eyes meet. "Morning." She gives me a soft smile then walks over to the island. She takes a bite as she sits down. "About last night..." I trail. "Okay."
"Lets not talk about it or bring it up again." I say. She looks a bit hurt, but she just nods. I know I should have thanked her first, because if I was her I would have thrown me out. "Why did you do it?"
"Because you look like you needed someone."
"Yeah because I need someone." I scoff. Anger has taken over her face.
"Calum!" She raises her voice.
"What?"
"You were drunk on my porch crying to me, you needed someone." She says in a calm voice this time.
"Why didn't you just laugh in my face and kick me out?"
"Because Calum I have feelings too, so I felt-"
"Bad for me?" I cut her off before she can finish.
"Well yeah a bit." She shrug her shoulders.
"I don't need you feeling bad for me." I spit.
I place the cup on her counter and walk towards the door. I look around for my shoes, they were no where insight.
"Where are you going?" She asks from behind me.
"Home." I reply not looking at her.
"You're not going to say thank you at least?"
I turn around to look at her. She's not angry, but sadness takes over her face. My heart breaks looking at her. I don't want her to be sad, but if I were to let her in and if I was more with her, she would be constantly let down by me. "Where are my shoes?"
She points to closet. I open it up and see them, I pick them up and let them drop on the floor. "Wait let me get you your clothes." She walks around the corner leaving me there.
I feel ashamed for not saying thank you. I just want to hug her again, I just want to kiss her and tell her she has done so much for me, she doesn't even know. But I need her to think I'm an asshole. I need her to hate me.
She comes back with my clothes neatly folded. I grab them from her; I lift my shirt up and replace it with mine. I start pulling down the sweat pants, but she quickly turns around. I pull up my pants and place my shoes on my feet. "Where would you like these?" I grab the clothes that I was just wearing. "Just leave them there." She turns back around. I drop them on the floor.
"Well bye."
"Bye."
I turn around and place my hand on the door knob. I can't leave like this. I just can't, I want her to know how thankful I am. I want her to know I have feelings too. So I make a decision that break my rules with myself. I turn around quickly to see her standing in the same place.
"Thank you Taylor. Thank you so much, you don't understand how much you did for me. You're right I needed someone, I'm not sure why I came to you, but I did. And I'm very glad that I did because you were so nice to me even when I didn't deserve it. I wanted to say thank you when I first saw you this morning, but I couldn't. I'm very sorry for the last few minutes of me treating you very bad." She looks very surprised by my words, but happy at the same time. "Anytime Calum. But why couldn't you?"
I let out a sigh, "I need you to hate me."
"Why?"
"Because you're better off without me in your life."
"How could you say that?" She steps closer to me.
"Trust me Taylor, you don't want me in your life."
"You can't make those decisions for me Calum."
At this moment, I wanted to grab her by the waist and smash my lips into hers. I just wanted to taste them, I want to know how they feel against mine. But I take everything in me to hold back, knowing it would make things even worse. "I know, but I'm highly suggesting that you don't want to."
She looks very confused, and I can tell shes having a mental battle with herself as her eyebrows furrow together. "What if I want to know you?"
I suck in a large breath of air. I have no idea how to answer her. I would like to tell her that I want to know her too, but I just don't want her to know the real me. She'll just run like they did. But at the same time this is her choice and I can't really make her do anything. So the next few words come out without me processing it.
"Come out with me."
"Where?"
"I'll take you out for dinner."
She looks hesitant for a moment. "Okay." She smiles.
I can get her to know the half me. The one that my real friends see. That won't be too bad better, than the other half.
"I'll pick you up at six."
She nods her head. I finally step out of the door and walk down the steps.
Hopefully I didn't just make the biggest mistake in my life. I don't want to ruin her. I just can't let that happen, I would be absolutely gutted.
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I want to love you, but I don't know how.
