evanescent

four

Niall didn't fight it and I regreted it all once I said it. I wanted him to fight it and stay with me and hold me and keep me company but it was too late. He gathered a bag full of things, gave me a quick kiss on the lips, and left. I hated that I was like that with him. I don't know why I wanted him to leave or why I even say that. It was his apartment after all and I could not believe I kicked him out. I missed him from the moment he left and I would miss him until he came back and we made up.

I laid in our bed and looked up at the ceiling. I hated myself in this moment.

I hated that I had that dream about harry and what did to me. I was instantly weak by him and I couldn't stand it. He was someone I looked up to when I was a teenager for his dominance, success, and power. He turned me into someone I hated when i was with him. I pushed away all my values when i was with him. I hated the person I was with him and I was going to do everything in my power to stay away from him. I was never going to let something like this fight with Niall or what happened 3 years ago happen again.

I also hated what I had done to Niall. Back when all that happened I turned him into a person that wouldn't trust me. He thinks I would do something like that again even if he does trust me and I hate that. I wanted him to know that I loved him now and not Harry and that was so hard to prove. I wanted him to know how important he was to me but I had no idea how to do it. It made feel guilty how scared he was that I was with Harry. I hated that I put him in the position to feel that way. I couldn't control it but now that I thought about it I would've been crushed if I was in his position.

I sat back up and got out of bed and started pacing the room. I wanted to go back to sleep but I had too much on mind. I couldn't stop thinking about what Harry had said to me in class and how that sex dream affected Niall. I had no idea how to address any of it either. I couldn't call harry out on it and tell him to lay off because he would just use his power over me to get me to like him. I could try dropping the class but I really didn't think it would work. I also knew that I could hold my ground with Harry and if I dropped the class it would show my weakness.

I pulled up my laptop and went straight to the schools website. I decided even if it didn't work, it was worth a shot to try and drop the class. I wanted to stick out the class with Harry but I didn't want to jeopardize what I had with Niall. I would do anything to make my relationship with Niall comfortable and as perfect as we could be. I never wanted to put Niall in the position to not trust me ever again.

I pulled up her email and typed out the beginning of a very professional email. I didn't want to sound like I just wanted out of the class but I needed to get out of the class. But, when it came down to what I needed and wanted to say, I didn't know how to word it. I didn't want to tell this person all of my drama with Harry and hope to get out of the class but it sounded like the only way out. Also if the staff at my school didn't know about Harry's past it would ruin his character and I didn't want to do that.

I decided on saying something along the lines of ," I really do enjoy the literature class I am in but with the new choice in teacher, Mr. Styles, I cannot stay in the class. He is someone I don't think has the same goals for their students as my old teacher and I would really appreciate if I could switch. I understand if I can't but if I can it would be greatly appreciated."

I felt like no matter what I said it would sound odd so I just went with it and sent the email to the counselor. I got kind of nervous after that because I knew that if Harry saw what I sent he would be furious with me. I tried not to think about how he would be affected by it but it was hard. I hated the state of mind he put me in, I said it a million times but I felt like I couldn't get that point across enough. I hated it.

I felt at ease though once I had emailed her though. I had a chance of getting out of the class and there was a glimmer of hope. It killed me that it affected Niall as much as it did and as much as I needed this class I would give it up for Niall.

I decided to text Niall and apologize for making him leave like that. I did need the time to be alone and think but it was wrong of me to just kick him out of the apartment. It was his after all and I could have just left the room or went on a walk. It was something I did in the heat of the moment that I really regretted. 

Daisy: Niall, I'm really sorry I kicked you out of our home like that it was childish. You are welcome home whenever obviously, I'm going to bed... I miss you and i love you so so much. xx

Okay... sorry for the short chapter but the next one will be a lot longer and the drama will start picking up soon.

MADE IN THE AM came out today I'm so excited. Whats every ones favorite songs? Long Way Down, Walking in the Wind, and A.M