evanescent

seventeen

"What do you mean?", Harry said, and to me it seemed like he was playing dumb. I was smiling at in a way that I thought would show for sure how much I wanted him, or at least wanted to do something with him. 

"You know exactly what I mean", I said and I let my hand trail from his chest, down to his stomach, touching slightly over his crotch, and then down to his thigh. He put his hand down on to mine and eventually picked it up so that I was no longer touching him.

"We can't do this", I began to pout and he walked away from me. I sat in the chair alone for a second and he walked over to his couch. I was going to start looking at the pictures again but I decided to close the photo album and follow Harry over to where he was sitting. I stood over him while he just sat on his couch looking away from him.

"Why?", I asked and he looked dumbfounded.

"Are you seriously asking me why right now?"

"Yes. I thought you wanted me", I then sat down next to Harry and he continued to give me the same look. Like everything I was saying was pathetic.

"I want you so badly, Daisy. I would kill to just take you right there in my kitchen, or eat you right on this couch, or make love upstairs in my bed. I want to show you what you have been missing all the this time while you were with that little boy, but I am not revenge sex. I am not a rebound. I really respect you, I know you are really vulnerable and I don't think you are thinking straight right now."

For some reason, I started crying again. I couldn't help it. I leaned my head onto Harry's chest and just cried. I began to see a puddle of tears stain Harry's shirt but he didn't seem to mind. He just started to rub my back and he pulled me closer to him and he gently kissed my forehead.

"You need time on your own. You need time to let this sink in and when you are really ready, I will still be here for you. I will be whatever you need me to be. If all you want to be is a hook up or if you want something more, I can be that for you", he then lifted my head up so that I was looking him right in the eye and kissed me on the lips. The most gentle and sincere kiss I had felt in my whole entire life. I kissed him back and it didn't feel dirty or sexual. It felt so romantic and loving to kiss him like this. Like he was kissing me to show that he cared about me and supported me, nothing more than that.

"Thank you", I said laying my head back down on his chest. He grabbed the TV remote and started to browse the channel, nothing was usually on this time of day that you really wanted to watch. It was infomercials and the shows no one watched during the day time.

"I know you like American Dad", he said finally finding something good on the TV and turning it on. 

"I do", I was surprised he remembered something like that about me, the smallest of details but somehow he remembered and that was really special to me. There was no conversation after that. The both of us were quiet, sucked into episodes of American Dad and it felt nice. I didn't have to be doing anything with Harry or even be talking to him to have a sense of comfort in what we were doing. 

I couldn't fall asleep though. I felt Harry's breathing begin to even and eventually when I looked up at him he was asleep, but I couldn't do the same. I couldn't relax. I felt restless and uneasy, I knew it was because of all that happened tonight but I wish I could just let myself feel at ease for once. I was laying next to a really genuine guy, who cared about me and the only person I could think of was Niall. 

All I could think about was how he was feeling and about all the time I wasted on him over the past few years. I was wondering if he had seen the text I had sent him and if he was mad about it. He had never responded and it was eating me alive that he had said nothing at all. He must have been shocked, if he had seen it. I would have been too if i was him. I at least would have responded to a text like that. I would have called, I would have tried to explain myself, ANYTHING!

I couldn't believe he said nothing. That was going to eat me alive until I got a response or until the next time I saw him. The more and more I forced myself into thought about Niall the more I felt myself fall in and out of sleep until finally I saw the sun begin to creep in through Harry's blinds and I finally fell asleep

-------

I woke up with a blanket across my body, a pillow underneath my head, and the smell of fresh pancakes and bacon filling the room. I looked around, American Dad was still on and Harry was now in his pj's. I was at Harry's house. I was hoping that last night was just some fantasy in a way. I wanted things to be okay with Niall and I again just so that I could avoid the pain of it. I wanted to be back in bed with Niall and I wanted for him to never have cheated on me. It wasn't realistic but I could dream about it. 

I sat up on the couch and Harry immediately look over at me and smiled. He walked over and sat next to me before placing a quick kiss on my forehead.

"How did you sleep?", Harry asked.

"Pretty horribly actually", he frowned at my response, " I had a lot on my mind and didn't actually fall asleep until the sun was up."

Harry walked back into the kitchen to tend to his food and I quickly followed hoping that I could have some of whatever he was cooking. There was a pretty big stack of pancakes and a pile of bacon waiting for the two of us. 

"I'm sorry", he said, "You could've woken me up and I would have talked to you, or you could've slept in my bed, Made yourself at home."

"It's okay, I got enough sleep to feel slightly human today so that's good enough" I said as Harry prepared him and I a plate before passing it over to me at the table and then sitting himself across from me.

I liked the silence with Harry but sometimes it did seem awkward. It was like him and I had to relearn who we were again. I knew Harry when I was 16 and I am sure that he was a lot different now then he was them and the same goes for me. I just didn't know how to start conversation with him. It was like I knew him but I didn't and that was a weird feeling.

"What are your plans for today?", Harry asked. 

"I guess I am going to go get my things from Niall's place and take them back to my parent's place. They live pretty close so I guess I will just get a job, start making payments on my car again, and live there until I can get myself back on my feet. I feel so stupid, I should have never even started living with Niall."

"You weren't stupid, just young and in love is all", he said and it made me feel a lot better. It was true and I think that was why it was such a comfort. I was stupid but you can't help but be a little stupid when you are so in love. I just wish I had thought things through a lot more is all.

"Well if you need any help , don't be afraid to ask and I do-", Harry began to explain before a quick and harsh pound came from his door. 

Still Into You// Paramore