You [l.h]

Chapter 21 : Nightmare

Lily's POV

Something seemed weird.

The way his eyes held the emotions when he said those things before he went home.

The way he said those words.

The way he held my hands.

The way he smiled when he said he would take care on his way home.

They were weird.

I had a really bad feeling. I wasn't sure what. But I knew something was up.

I climbed onto my bed and opened my phone. There was a message. From Luke.

Please not something bad..

From : Luke
To : Lily

Hey, Lily. This may sound weird but I just want to thank you. For always being there for me everytime I need you. For always wanting to waste your time on me. For always making me happy in the ways no one else can. Just.. for everything.

And I also want to say that I'm sorry. There's something I'm hiding from you. The reason why I took you out today. The reason why I said those things to you right before I left tonight.

I had to do something, Lily. I can't tell you what it is actually. I don't want you to think of this. I just.. don't want to hide anything from you so I'm saying this.

I can't talk to you anymore. I can't be with you anymore. I can't spend my times with you anymore. I just can't..
Something happened and it forces me to stay away from you.

Please Lily.. don't think of anything bad. It's not like I want this to happen. Not that I want to go. I just have to. And it's not because I hate you. In fact.. I like you. But this thing has to come to an end. So I'm going now, Lily.
I'm not leaving you. Never will be. I will always like you. And even more maybe. But I just.. can't talk and meet anymore. I'm not asking you to understand me now because I know it's hard. It's hard for both of us. It's even hard writing this message for you. But I hope you always feel good. And always love everything around you. And always be able to make everyone around you happy.

Take care, Lily. Take care in everything you do.
Remember the things I told you before, okay?
Once again, I am sorry. From the bottom of my heart.

No..

Please tell me I'm just having a nightmare now.

Please tell me this isn't real.

He can't leave me like this.

Fuck he can't just make me so damn happy then leave.

He has to tell me everything.

I have to go to his house now. He couldn't do this. Not to me. Never.

I ran downstairs and was caught by my mum. "Where else are you going now, hun? It's late just go to sleep."

I stopped for a while just to hug her. "I need to go, mum. I'll tell you about this later."

I opened the door and ran away.

~

I knocked at his door. I didn't care if his neighbours felt bothered. I just needed to talk to Luke now.

"Luke just open the fucking door!" I yelled. Fuck it I lost control.

I kept knocking at his door until that thing was opened.

There he was. Standing on his feet with his bloodshot eyes.

Did he just cry?

No matter how much I wanted to hug him and calm him down now, I still had to talk to him about this thing that was happening between us.

"Can I come in?"

"O-of course." His voice cracked.

Ugh. Why did things become like this?

"So um.. you know the reason I came here." It wasn't a question. He nodded his head yes. "Care to explain me what's going on now?"

I saw him taking a deep breath. He stayed silent for a whil until he felt relaxed enough to speak.

"I don't know where to start."

"I've got time to wait." I said.

"Well.. remember that day when you were kidnapped?" He was speaking without even looking at me in the eyes. He just kept looking at his hands. "So that day a guy called me. It was Aaron. Clara's.. Clara's brother."

Don't tell me this shit is actually what I'm thinking.

"So anyway.. He used you just to have a talk with me. He wanted me to get back with her sister. Because he said she'd been getting so upset and all. And that time I just wanted to save you. I couldn't stand seeing you kidnapped like that. Especially when it was because of me. I couldn't think straight. There was so much in mind. Until I made up my mind and said yes. And he let me get you away from that place. That's why I asked you out today.. I wanted to have memories with you. Things I can remember whenever I feel bad because I just can't go near you anymore."

He was telling the truth.

And truth like this is just a pain in the neck. Why did this have to happen?

I didn't say anything. I didn't even know if there was anything to say. I was still trying to process what he just said. It was just.. hard to believe.

"Lily.. listen. I know it doesn't make sense but.. I just don't want anyone to feel bad because of me. Clara is sick and all.. and again, it's because of me. I just.."

"You don't want to make anyone feel bad but me.. and it's not just bad. It's more than just bad and you know that. But okay.. I get it, Luke. It's not like I have the right to make you stay. I understand. I mean I'm trying to."

I stood up from the couch and was ready to leave.. I couldn't hold myself. I wanted to cry so much. I couldn't be here.. seeing him like this with this kind of feeling. I had to go.

"Wait, Lily!" He caught my wrist and I stopped my track. Didn't bother turning to him because tears were already in my eyes that time.

"Lily please.. say whatever you want to say.. don't leave me like this. You need to say it if you're mad or pissed or feeling like killing me. Just say it.."

"I.." my voice cracked. Fuck this. "I don't want you to feel worse. You've had enough.. you've felt enough shit so I'll just go." I pulled my hand out of his grip but he took it back.

"Please.. if you leave like this I'd feel bad forever.."

"You're the one who chose to leave, Luke." I took a deep breath. "Listen. You sending me a message saying that you couldn't talk and meet me anymore was a way to say it without looking at me, right? So that you wouldn't see me hurt. You wouldn't torture yourself. But now.. why? Why are you forcing me to tell you my feelings? There's no need. Don't you think? Even if I said what I want to say now.. it wouldn't mean a thing. It wouldn't change anything. You would still leave anyway. So what's the point?"

Silence.

He didn't say anything after that. But he still held my hand.

"Lily.."

"Stop. Just save it. I'll go now. Luke, I know.. that I'm not your anything. So.. it wouldn't be a big change if I left, right? I mean.. it's not like I'm yours and you're mine so you can go without even telling me, can't you?"

Dammit. I couldn't hold it. I cried.

"Lily.."

"Please.. please let me go.."

There was a moment of silence. Until I felt his hand slowly move. He let go of my hand. But he didn't stop there.

He hugged me. He put his arms around my shoulders, holding me from behind. "I'm sorry.. but please.. stay like this for a while."