Shhh...It's a secret. (Jc Caylen Fanfiction)

Chapter 24

Brayden's POV

Leukemia????

How is this possible? I can't have it. I don't have it.

"There must be some mistake. Take more tests, check over the results. I can't have leukemia. It's impossible"

"Well actually honey it's very possible." The doctor touched my shoulder. "Your great grandfather could have passed down the gene and there's a likely chance it skipped your mother."

My mind swarmed with questions but I only could move my lips just enough to mutter the words, "will I die?"

She didn't say anything. She looked down at her feet then out the window. She was avoiding the question. Probably because of the obvious answer. Finally she spoke up.

"We found it in its early stages. We should be able to get it gone with a round of chemo. I'm not saying that it'll be gone forever, it could still come back. But as long as you want to fight, we can keep fighting it."

"How soon can we start? Is all my hair going to fall out? Will I still have hair for prom? What about graduation?" I went on. The doctor cracked a small smile and reassured me I'd have it for prom. Her smile drooped when she told me it'll be falling out by graduation.

It's all worth the price of life I guess. I thought to myself.

We scheduled chemo and worked out paper work. Dad took me to Dairy Queen. I don't know what he thought. Ice cream doesn't change the fact I'm dying. I appreciate him trying to cheer me up though.

At home mom was sitting at the table, a tissue in her hand and a bottle of wine in the other. She hasn't had a drink in ten years.

"Mom what are you doing?"

"Brayden." She says as she looks up at me. I realize something. I've never seen my mother cry. Her makeup was water-falling down her face and her nose was red while her eyes so puffy. We looked alike when we cried. She got up and hugged me tight.

The whole time in the hospital I talked to myself building up the strength. I couldn't cry. I don't cry. I can't cry. I don't show emotion, that's how you get hurt. But I became the biggest hypocrite ever that night after I left my mothers arms.

I cried. I bawled. I had done something I don't ever do. I prayed to God. I screamed at him and I cursed him. Why me? Why did it always have to be me? I don't see how people can base their whole life over one man who doesn't even answer you. I begged for his forgiveness, for some sign that it wasn't real. It can't be real. I'm dying, and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. You can't physically fight off cancer. Your body makes the choice to fight it.

And right now, my body doesn't want to fight it. My body doesn't want to live. My mind is telling me dying is the easiest but my heart is telling to stay, stay because the world is a cruel place but it's not fair to take a life from the grasp of a family.

My thoughts are so blurred I can't even explain what I'm thinking right now. I probably sound ridiculous.

I unfolded my legs and my arms and reached for my phone in my back pocket. I called Devin. I need someone to hold me and cry with me.
"Uh hello?"

"Hey Dev, it's me"

"Oh yeah right, Brayden. Okay look I can't talk right now I'm uh, busy. I'll text you later or something. Don't come to my house I'm not there."

"Oh okay well text me later, I guess"

She hung up. What was that about? She's busy? She's never busy to talk. Damn okay. I guess I'll call Jc.

"Hello?"

"Jc where are you?"

"I'm at my apartment. Why?"

"Can I come over, I need to talk to you. I just need someone to talk to. This isn't right. It's hurts. I can't stop crying."

"I'm sorry but you can't. People are here from school. I have to go."

Why the hell does everyone hang up on me? I JUST GOT TOLD IM DYING AND YOUR TO BUSY FOR ME? Why? My eyes start to water and my vision becomes blurry and foggy. I don't know what to do.

I pull back my sheets and move over my pillows. I turn my phone off and crawl into my bed. Just forget about all of this. Just forget.

•

I woke up with some bruises on my legs and some on my arms. I don't know what they are from. I think I read that leukemia caused bruising. I was really hoping it was a dream. I can't do this. I'm not saying I physically can't because I know my body's strong enough for anything. I'm saying I mentally and emotionally not prepared for this.

I have never questioned on if I wanted to live or not. Right now I realize how precious life is. And I don't want to lose that.

"Brayden you're going to have to start staying here in the hospital. So I can call your mother or father and ask them to bring you you're stuff." I nodded and she walked or if the room.

Hospitals scare me. The white walls, white floors, white tile, everyone knows white gets stained with blood. It smells of tears and reaks of a sort of clean scent that invades your nose. I can't pin point the smell exactly but it's disgusting.

The doctor comes back in. She has a couple of syringes and some wipes. I am not good with needles.

My head gets dizzy. My doctor tries to calm me down. " Don't worry it's just a few shots." I nod slowly. I'm going to have to get used to this. Why is this all so hard?

The oncologist cleaned the inside of my elbow with a sanitation wipe and got the needle set.

"Okay now, 1...2...3." It burned as it went in. I had to clinch my teeth to keep from crying out. I reset myself for the next shot.

When she left my arm started to feel heavy. I figured I would just sleep it off. Maybe I should call Devin talk to her.

"Hello."

"Hey, Dev. Guess what, I just got my first round of chemo. That sounds so weird to say."

"Cool. Look I have to go."

Seriously? She's leaving me again?

"Why? What is more important than your best friend that has cancer."

"Look. You are going to die. Straight up. And when you do I can't just not go on with my life because you died. I have better things to do. I have a life like an actual life. I'm going to grow up and get married and have kids and the truth is you won't. Sorry about it. Bye."