Repression ▶ M•C ▶ 2/3

Chapter 22

Gwyneth's POV

It had almost been a full day since I found out I couldn't have children, Calum is still unaware. The worst part about this is that I can't feel sad about it. Inside I'm devastated, but I have to try and act like I'm totally fine, last night I cried in the shower, just because it was the only where I could be alone, I let it all out. I didn't want to carry on like this, I wanted to see my family, Helen, my dad, my mum and even my little sister were worried about me, I wanted to part of the family that I won't ever be able to have. I had booked my ticket for later today, and I have a few hours to pack my things and say goodbye, but I think it would be better to write Calum a letter, rather than trying to say it to his face, words like that are hard to say to someone you love, I can't bear to see his heart break.

I walked into the living room and Georgie was sat on the sofa, reading a magazine while the tv was on. I knew Calum and Ashton had gone out today, and I seized this moment to make my escape. I sat down beside her and stared at her until she looked up from her fashion magazine. "Gwyn?" She laughed, looking at me like I was being weird. I let out a sigh and took the magazine off her, putting it on the coffee table her feet were resting on. "I leave in a few hours, come help me pack" I smiled weakly, trying not to sound too desperate. She nodded and pushed herself off the sofa, taking my hand as we walked out into the hallway and up the stairs, going into my room and pulling out my suitcase and placing it open on the bed. We started to fill it with clothes, trying to be as fast as we could before Calum came home. I took a break and sat down on the edge of the bed, picking up the pen and paper I had left there earlier this morning. While George carried on, coming back and forth from the bathroom with my toiletries, I tried hard to put what I was feeling into words.

My dear Calum,

It's common sense these days that when a girl tells you she's 'fine', she's lying through her teeth, just too scared to admit what's really wrong. That's what I did you yesterday honey, I said that I was perfectly fine, when that couldn't be any further from the truth. When I saw my doctor, she said a lot of things that I didn't understand, but by the end of it, I was pretty clear on what was going on. Apparently there's something wrong with my insides that means I can't have children, and I won't ever be a mother. This means that if we stay together, you won't have the chance to have children too and I don't want that to happen to you. Ever since we met you said you wanted to be a father some day, and if you're tied down to me you won't ever get that. So I'm doing what's best for us at this time, I'm going back to Sydney to be with my family, and maybe one day, things might change. But right now I'm leaving, and I don't know when I'll see you again. I wanted you to know that I love you with all my heart and nothing makes me sadder than the thought of you reading this while I'm probably on my plane or thousands of miles away, but I know it's the right thing to do, and deep down you will understand too some day. I want you to look after everyone and make sure George has an amazing birthday, give her the present we bought and try now to let this get you down too much. I know we never got to say goodbye properly but this will have to be as good as it gets, I don't want to see you cry and have to leave this place knowing I've how much pain i've caused.  So I thought I should just rip the band aid off  to try and limit the damage.

So keep safe my darling, and I promise when things get better I'll come back and find you again, because I'm so in love with you that I won't know what to do with myself on my own.

Love forever

Gwyn x

Ifolded the letter and placed it on the bed, as George zipped up the suitcaseand put it on the floor. "I'm ready" I nodded, picking up the suitcase anddragging it out of the room and down the stairs. We got in the car and Georgegave me a lift to the airport, not seeing anyone as we left, and we both stoodoutside the terminal, just in time for my flight. "I'm going to miss you" Shecried, hugging me tightly. "Me too, I'm sorry I had to leave before you'rebirthday" I sighed. "Don't worry about it" She brushed it off. "Now go, beforeI change my mind and keep you forever" She slapped my arm and pushed me away. Inodded and tried not to cry as I started to walk away into the airportterminal. I turned back one last time and saw George, stood by her car, andgave me a cute little wave. I laughed and waved back, before turning backaround and walking through the terminal to get on my plane and go home.