Repression ▶ M•C ▶ 2/3

Chapter 46

*FLASH FORWARD*

"Gwyn, there's something I want you to help me with" I shivered, clutching onto the handle of the payphone and whispering down the line, my voice shaking and unstable. "Anything, name it" She rushed, the sound of her sniffing and moving the phone around echoed down the phone. I shut my eyes tightly and tried to control my breathing, before wiping the tears off my cheeks and resting my head against the tiled wall next to me. "I need to talk to him, I don't care how long I have to wait, I'm staying right here until I speak to him" I felt my eyes well up again, my vision blurry with tears. "Of course, stay right here" She soothed, putting her phone down and hearing her footsteps walk away. I was left feeling more alone than ever. People would walk past me and stare with such sympathy it made me want to rip the phone off the wall, they must think I'm crazy. I wasn't waiting for long, but I could hear a conversation going on in the background. "What's going on?" I heard his voice faintly. "Just put the phone to your ear" She raised her voice, either that or she was closer to the microphone. "Fine, Jesus" He scoffed, and I hear the phone rustle about. "Hello"

"You love me?" I finally spoke, horrified in shock. I watched his facial expressions carefully; I had no idea how to respond to his next answer. "No, well, I used to, but that was a long time ago and I don't anymore" He shook his head, holding onto Gracie's hand for reassurance. "So why didn't anyone tell me?" I sounded wounded, turning back at glancing at everyone. "We thought it would be best to not bring it up" Michael mumbled. I was now getting irritated; my best friends had hidden quite a large piece of information from me for a long time. "Why? What did you might think would happen?" I scoffed. It felt like everyone was keeping secrets from me, I had no doubt there was more that they weren't telling me. "We thought it would change how you felt" Michael seemed to be the only one saying anything. I clenched my jaw and gave him the worst look I could. "No, I don't think anyone else thought that, I think you thought that if you had told me straight away, it would somehow create a competition between the both of you and you were scared that I would pick you. So you told everyone to keep quiet about it, meaning Ashton couldn't be my friend" I glared. He shifted and looked at the ground. "What the fuck" I yelled. "Well let's be honest here, if we had told you do you really think things would be the same as they are right now?" He fired back. "We wouldn't be having this fight" I rolled my eyes. "Besides, it wouldn't have mattered, I love you, I wouldn't have had to choose, it's always been you" I sighed. I didn't want to be here anymore, I needed to get away for a while.

"Maybe I was wrong" I turned away and picked my car keys up from the table by the door, before walking past Ash and Gracie and opening the front door. "George, what was that supposed to mean?" He shouted after me. "It means I'm done taking you shit" I walked down the gravel driveway and opened the car door. "Where are you going? We need to leave in a few hours" He stepped out the front door. I ignored him and started the engine, shutting the door and pulling out of the driveway. I kept glancing through the mirror to check if any of them were coming after me, but after a while of driving around I figured they weren't bothering. There weren't many places I could go, where I wouldn't be disturbed or easily found, but still, I had one place in mind. I pulled into the small car park and turned off the engine.

I pulled into the car park a few metres away from the cliff and as soon as the engine stopped Gwyneth rushed to get out, her actions were frantic. She ran across the tarmac surface and through the overgrown grass, not even waiting for me. "Gwyneth" I shouted, chasing after her, but she was a lot faster than me, I could barely keep up. The cliff edge was in sight, and she wasn't slowing down. I froze and stopped running. "GWYN" I screamed, as she halted at the very edge. Her hair blew away from her face and my cardigan that she has borrowed swayed around in the breeze. She rolled her head back and laughed to herself, the tears started to roll down her cheeks. She turned slowly and l was horrified that she was acting this way. "You want to know what's wrong" She asked, grinning at me in pain. She turned back to the cliff and stared at the ocean. "I CAN'T HAVE KIDS" She yelled, at the top of her lungs, her words echoing around us. I shut my eyes and let out a sigh. "Gwyn" I cried. "I can't have children George" I opened my eyes and she stood still, in pure agony. I had never seen someone look so sad, she was in pieces and I couldn't fix it.

It didn't seem like a week ago, when I last came here and suddenly the world started to fall apart, too much has happened since then and time just keeps getting faster and faster. Everything was so perfect, so fucking perfect. Now I'm sat in a car park hiding from my friends on the day they're leaving the country. What if I go home and they've all gone, god knows if I'll ever see them again. But I needed some space, everything was getting twisted and they were hiding things from me. I didn't know if I could handle the constant anxiety of not knowing the same things they do. If I go with them I'll be entering a whole world that is new to me, when to them it's their home. It used to be my home too, but I don't want it to be. My biggest fear is that someone I used to know will come up to me in the street or something and I won't have any idea who they are. I wasn't sure if I could bring myself to get on that plane.