Repression ▶ M•C ▶ 2/3

Chapter 69

"Georgina" My mother's stern voice woke me up abruptly. I opened my eyes and looking confusingly up at her. She was stood in front of the bed, her mascara smudged under her eyes and hair unusually messy. "What is it?" I worried, lifting my head up from the side of the bed and continuing to look at her. She let out a sigh, then a small sob, before she gestured to the bed and looked away. "He's dead" She broke down and rushed outside into the hallway crying. My eyes stayed fixed on where she was just standing. I was too afraid to look, I didn't believe her but I wasn't going to risk it. "Dad?" I whimpered, listening for any response. I slowly turned my head and looked over at the man lying next to me. His face was grey and eyes closed gently, like he was still asleep. He looked peaceful; I didn't think he was in much pain. I began to cry as I took his hand one last time. It was colder; the warmth had left his body. I broke down and burst into tears, holding his hand to my cheek and kissing it. "I love you, please" I sobbed hysterically. I waited to see if anything would happen, but after a few minutes of hoping, I gave up and let go of his hand.
I stood up when a few nurses came in; they started to turn off the machines keeping him alive and started to clean the room. I stood in front of the bed and looked down at the lifeless body that was once my father. "Goodbye dad" I sniffed, turning away and gathering my strength as I walked out the door.

I held my breath and searched the white corridor for mother, everything was a blur and my entire body was in pain. When I couldn't find her I hurried to the pay phone mounted on the side of the wall. I needed to talk to someone; I needed to let this out. I typed in the only number I knew from memory and felt my hands shake as I held the phone to my ear. It had been a while since I had last been in contact and I wasn't sure what was going to happen with they pick up the phone. "Hello?" They said cheerily down the phone, a small laugh at the end as if something was going on in the background. I paused and let out a sigh. "Gwyn" I cried, I wished I could see her in person. "Georgie" She asked, her voice didn't sound happy anymore and I could hear a door close as if she was going into another room. "My dad is dead" I shuddered saying the words aloud. There was silence for a long time, I wasn't even sure she was there anymore. After several minutes, there was rustling coming from down the phone and then her voice. "You're in England right?" She spoke quickly. "Yeah" I nodded, checking every few minutes for my mother. "Okay, I'm booking the next flight over, I'm coming I swear" She soothed. I smiled weakly and stared blankly at the white wall in front of me. "Thank you" I whispered. "I'm always going to be here for you" She replied, the warmth of her voice alone made me feel better. But I felt like it wasn't enough, I needed someone else more.

"Gwyn, there's something I want you to help me with" I shivered, clutching onto the handle of the payphone and whispering down the line, my voice shaking and unstable. "Anything, name it" She rushed, the sound of her sniffing and moving the phone around echoing down the phone. I shut my eyes tightly and tried to control my breathing, before wiping the tears off my cheeks and resting my head against the tiled wall next to me. "I need to talk to him, I don't care how long I have to wait, I'm staying right here until I speak to him" I felt my eyes well up again, my vision blurry with tears. "Of course, stay right there" She soothed, putting her phone down and hearing her footsteps walk away. I was left feeling more alone than ever. People would walk past me and stare with such sympathy it made me want to rip the phone off the wall, they must think I'm crazy.

I wasn't waiting for long, but I could hear a conversation going on in the background. "What's going on?" I heard his voice faintly. "Just put the phone to your ear" She raised her voice, either that or she was closer to the microphone. "Fine, Jesus" He scoffed, and I hear the phone rustle about. "Hello" He said sarcastically. I felt like laughing, this was Michael all over, but I didn't have the energy to show any emotion. "Michael" I mumbled. "George?" He paused, suddenly sounding serious. I took a deep breath and thought thing through. "At Luke and Harriet's wedding you said you wanted to be my friend again, you wanted to get to know me. I know that I should leave you alone because all you will do is break my heart but I can't, I need you more than ever and I'm so scared. I'm here, right now, needing you to be here for me, I'm letting you back into my life, forgiving you for everything, just like you wanted" I started to cry again. He sighed and it felt like disappointment. "That was over a month ago George, we're touring at the moment. There used to be a time when I would have dropped everything to be by your side, but now I have to think of my career and the other guys. I'm sorry but this isn't the right time" He sounded exhausted. "Did Gwyn tell you why I'm calling?" I tried to hide the fact that I had just been rejected by the love of my life. "No, why" He asked. The tears came running down my cheeks as I began to look around. "It doesn't matter, just forget about this. It was a mistake, you're right, I don't think there will ever be a right time for us" I rushed my words before hanging up the phone and sliding to the floor.