Repression ▶ M•C ▶ 2/3

Chapter 47

I finally got out of the car, the small breeze brushing out of my face. The faint salt smell lifted my mood, the fond memories here eclipsed the bad ones, and it was somewhere where I felt at peace with the world. No one ever came here, in all the years I had been coming here; I had never seen anyone apart from the people I would bring here. It made wonder if anyone knew about this place at all, perhaps I was the first person to discover it. I walked along the grass path, the long grass either side swaying from side to side. I reached the cliff top; the wide open space ran for miles, eroding away slowly. I stared out at the vast blue ocean in front of me and sat down by the edge, my legs dangling off. I had no idea what I was going to do, but when I'm here I feel like the pressure of everything was less consuming. It still worried me through; the thought of going home and they had already gone, without saying goodbye terrified me. After all they were pretty much the only friends I really had, but they also kept secrets, brushed things under the carpet and hoped that I would never know. I doubted them but I still loved them like my own family. I wasn't sure if it was worth the pain of going to the other side of the world only to have an argument and then come back here more alone than ever.

"I thought I might find you here" Someone comes and sits beside me. I sighed and rested my head on their shoulder, shutting my eyes as she wraps one arm around my waist. "Hey" I mumbled. I opened my eyes and looked up through the long brown hair. "We were so worried about you. They're all out looking for you" Gwyn started to play with my hair. "I wasn't sure you would even bother" I scoffed. "You really think that I wouldn't come and find my best friend before I drag her across the world with me?" She grinned down at me. She always seems to make everything look more normal than it normally was. It was like she had a talent for making me worry less. "I'm scared to go with you" I confessed, picking bits of rocks up and dropping them over the edge. "Why?" She was very calm, very still like she knew what I was going to say. I didn't think she would though, I had never talked about, it was a sensitive area for everyone and I wasn't sure I wanted to know anything about it. "Last time I was there I tried to kill myself" I stated, not that I remember it, but it was pretty obvious that that was what I did. Gwyn looked away for a few seconds and I felt nervous again. Even she couldn't pretend like it had never happened. "Everything has changed since then, I can promise that things won't ever get that bad again" She lowered her voice and let out a cough. My hands were slightly shaking and I wasn't sure why, maybe it was lack of sleep or the amount of coffee I had been drinking lately. "Where were you? When it happened" I hesitated before asking the question. She was fragile about it, which was understandable. She stared out at the sea and paused for quite some time.

"I was at home, watching a film with Calum on the sofa. I was feeling bad about arguing with you and kicking you out but I had too much pride to be the first person to apologise. There was a loud and aggressive knock at the door and Mum went to open it, Harriet came rushing through the house in a panic. At first I thought she was going to yell at me, but she completely broke down in front of us and it took a while to actually understand what she was saying. She said Luke had called her saying you had been in an accident. We had no idea how bad it was at the time, but when we got there you were in intensive care, and everyone gave up on being positive. I blamed myself, for a long time, I stayed in that waiting room right until the end. I thought that if we had never had that argument, you would still be living in my house; even though you and Michael were broken up you would have still gotten back together because he knew that he shouldn't have walked out." To me, it was like she was telling a story; I couldn't quite believe that this was my life, there seemed to be so much drama and upset it was like it was a tv show. However in some kind of way it was helpful, no one else had told me any of this and it showed how much they all cared. She still wasn't looking at me; it was like she was reliving it inside her head. I reached over and squeezed her hand, snapping her out of her thoughts. She let out a sigh and smiled at me.

"But I can't change what happened and I know it wasn't my entire fault, everyone had a part to play and we all fucked up, but you're okay now, and we're all friends again and now we have the chance to show where you used live, go to all the places you loved and get some normalcy back in our lives" She got to her feet and brushed the dirt off her jeans. "Please come with us, I think you need this" She reached her hand out towards me. I gave in and nodded, taking her hand and standing beside her. "I should tell everyone I found you, they're worried sick" She took her phone out and started typing on the keyboard. "Can I sit next to you on the plane?" I asked timidly. I wasn't sure I wanted to talk to Michael just yet, he had still lied to me about Ashton and it hurt me that he would have done anything to keep it a secret. Maybe if we had some space, and I twelve hour flight should be plenty of time to think things through, we both might be feeling better about things and everything can be sorted out. "Sure" She looked up from the screen and flashed a smile. Once she had put her phone away we started to walk back to the car park. When we arrived it was just my car parked in the small area of cement. I turned and looked at her confusingly. "I walked" She shrugged, carrying on walked and opening the passenger door. "Get in the car loser we're going to Australia" She smirked. I felt a sudden sense of déjà vu for a second, like I had been in this situation before. I shook it off and hurried to the car, opening the door and sitting down before starting the engine and turning back onto the main road.