Repression ▶ M•C ▶ 2/3

Chapter 44

                  

*FLASH FORWARD*

"Hey, I'm home" The front door made a loud slamming noise even when I didn't mean to shut it so hard. I moved away from the door and took my bag off my shoulder, throwing it across the room and landing onto the brown suede sofa. I shuffled over to the fridge in the kitchen and pulled out a tub of vanilla ice cream, getting a spoon from a drawer and waddling over to the stool by the counter. "Rough day?" The bedroom opened and I looked up at the brown hair boy walking towards me. "What made me even think about going to university? It's so much effort" I grumbled, stabbing the ice cream with the spoon. He scoffed and leaned against the other side of the marble countertop. "You had other options, remember? You could've had the perfect life where you didn't need to lift a finger" He raised his eyebrows. I glanced away from him and closed my eyes briefly.

"That was never going to be an option, you know that" I mumbled. He sighed and looked over to the pile of magazines lying by the sink in the corner. He picked one up and tossed it in my direction. "Yeah, but haven't you at least thought about it? Having the life you always wanted, you could still make that happen" It was hard to bring myself to look at the picture spread across the cover, the four people that used to be my family were now strangers that I barely even recognised. "I've learnt to not dwell on the past anymore, it only causes pain" I pushed it away, leaving the ice cream on the counter and walking away, across the apartment to my bedroom door, and I slammed it close. The grey walls and silent atmosphere of my room made me shiver. The sadness that has become an everyday challenge for me is exhausting, falling asleep every night and waking up every morning with the exact same thought in my head. Why was I so alone, when there was a time when all I ever had was the people around me? Why did my whole world fall apart while everyone else's dreams were coming true?

It was now dark, the summer's day has ended and we were all curled up on the sofas in the living room watching some film on Netflix. No one was paying attention to it, Gwyn and Calum we asleep on one of the sofas, Luke, Harriet and Cat were making a fort out of blanket and pillow in front of the tv, whispering and giggling to each other, then there was me and Michael, warm in each other's arms, talking quietly like no one else was here. Ashton still hadn't returned, not that anyone cared apart from me. Even though he was the one that hurt me I wanted to understand what was going on in his head, what was holding him back from being friends with me? Something was bothering him and it frustrated me that he didn't have the guts to tell me. "Do you ever think your band will get big?" I whispered, stroking his cheeks. "I hope so; you have to be with me every step of the way. We can buy a big house and get married, have children and have the perfect life. The one you've always dreamed of" He said enthusiastically. "How do you know that that is the life I want?" I asked curiously. He ran his fingers down my shoulders, taking both my hands and holding them in between his. "Because it would be with me, and you wouldn't have any worries at all, we would grow old together and cuddle on the sofa all day, reading books and watching tv. I would have made enough money so you wouldn't have to work, we can both raise our children to become smart and kind, it would be so perfect" He had planned it all out in his head, every detail of our future together. "So you want to marry me?" I smiled. "I always will" He kissed my forehead softly. "Describe it to me" I stared into his eyes.

"It would be in a big church, slightly old with a huge stain glass window at the end of the aisle. It would be filled with our friends and family, all smiling and happy. I would stand at the end of the aisle as I watched you walk down in a beautiful white dress, holding a bright bouquet of flowers. Gwyn, Harriet and Cat would all be wearing matching dresses, and they would walk behind you, then when you stand beside me you will be the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, and I will thank every single god that you were mine. Everything will be organised down to every small detail, so that by the end of the night we can both just dance together, your arms around my neck and my hands around you waist, swaying to the music like nothing else mattered because all our dreams had come true, all the bad times were behind us and we were ready to make new stories, together" He sounded like he was crying as he reached the end, his voice breaking in places. "I can't wait" I pressed my lips onto his, holding his cheeks with my hands and stroking his soft skin. "I am so in love with you" The words tickled against my ears. I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes, inhaling the smell of his jumper and feeling his chest rise up and down. "Me too" I replied, pushing myself into his chest as his hand wrapped around my back. Soon we would be going to Australia, to face the harsh reality of death, we couldn't avoid it anymore. England has been a good escape for them, they don't have to deal with their problems, it's like they never existed. But they did, and sooner or later there wouldn't be days when we could do this, everything would change.