Repression ▶ M•C ▶ 2/3

Chapter 39

We walked through the front door and there were probably just a handful of people still dancing around in the hallway. Gwyn stormed off into the living room and I waited by the stairs until the loud pounding music finally stopped. "Shoo, the party's over now, go home" I could hear her shouting and herding people out. Then around 20 sweaty and rough looking people came trudging out and disappeared out the front door. The house was silent, like it had been just 12 hours ago, but the house was completely trashed. There were crumpled red plastic cups scattered on the ground or cleverly placed in areas that were impossible to get to, large puddles of neon paint across the hallway floor and even some items of clothing such as bras and pants, hung up in random places around the house. I literally couldn't be bothered, I was exhausted and I didn't was to clean up right now.

Gwyn came out of the kitchen, dragging someone by their arms along the hallway, pulling them through the puddle of paint and taking it with him. I didn't recognise this guy, who was obviously passed out on the amount of alcohol or drugs he had taken, probably both. She threw him out into the garden and shut the front door after her. "Right, everyone's gone" She pushed the sleeves of her dress up to her elbows and wiped the sweat off her forehead. "What do I do now?" I whimpered quietly. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't sleep in my own bed because my grieving boyfriend was tearing the room apart, I couldn't sit on my own sofa and watch tv because someone threw up on it, I didn't want to do anything. I wanted to disappear, and let someone else deal with the mess I've made. All of this was because of me, I thought it was going to be amazing and it just turned out to be a huge mess. I sat down on the bottom step of the stair case and tugged my hair in frustration. "George" Gwyn sighed and came to sit beside me. "You have plenty of bedrooms to sleep in, even if it's only just for a few hours. You should get some energy if you want to even try and tackle cleaning this up later" She rested her head on my shoulder and held my hand. "I'll make sure everyone knows about Karen before you wake up" She added, before getting up and waiting for me to follow her.

"I think I should at least check if he's okay before I go sleep somewhere else" I got up and took her hand, and we both began to walk up the staircase. As we got closer to the first floor, the view from the staircase gave me a clear view of the damage I have caused. The house was ruined but I didn't fucking care. My parents would be home in a few days and I was just going to abandon them and let them clean it up for me. They're the ones that went away for my birthday, I deserve the holiday now. We reached the top of the stairs and we walked at the same time along the corridor, past the bedroom doors some of the others were sleeping in. We stopped when our doors were in front of us, I let go of her hand and put my other hand on my door handle and she did same. "I love you" I smiled; she nodded her head and began to open her door. "I love you" She replied, stepping inside, inside Calum was passed out on the bed with green paint smudged all over his face. She looked at him and then back at me, letting out a small laugh before shutting the door. I was left alone in the dark hallway, terrified to go into my own bedroom. I had no idea what I was going to see when I went in, what if he had done something terrible?

I had to stop over thinking everything, I need to just live in the moment and not have any expectations. I took a deep breath and twisted the door handle quickly this time, stepping inside and fast and silently as I could and shutting it behind me. There was only one light on in the entire room, which was the small lamp by the side of my bed, only it wasn't where it normally was, it was lying on its side on the floor, next to a broken vase, with small shards of it shattered on the carpet. I had never seen a room this distressing. It felt like everything I had worked on to make this room perfect had gone in an instant. I looked to the other side of the bed and there were more pieces of broke glass, this time from the couple of photo frames I had put up on one of my bookshelves. Everything had been pushed off the self and onto the floor, all my favourite books and memories. I tried to avoid the glass and moved to the frames lying on the carpet. The photographs were still in the frames, one of them was of me and Gwyn, as children, the other of the group, huddled in a booth in a bar. It felt like someone had kicked me in the chest, I had never felt so empty. Everything was broken, some of the objects in here couldn't be replaced easily, and some had more sentimental value than price. The vase that I kept by the side of my bed was a present of my uncle, and now all I could see was the look on his face when he first handed it to me, he wanted me to cherish it as much as he did, now all it was were broken pieces on the floor.

Michael was lying on the bed on his stomach, his black hair pushed against the pillow and eyes shut delicately. I wasn't angry, if this was any other situation then I would be fuming, but he didn't know, I didn't want to make him angrier at me. I shuffled over to the bed, cutting my feet on glass, and sat down beside him. "Michael" I sighed. When he didn't wake, I thought it would be best to just let him sleep; he didn't need to be brought back to reality just yet. "I love you, I promise I'm going to make you happy again, I'll do anything" I leaned down and kissed his forehead, before slowly getting off the bed and avoiding the broken pieces of glass. I got to the door and turned back round, he still hadn't moved and I don't know why but I felt like all of a sudden he would jump up and tell me that all of this was one big misunderstanding and he was perfectly alright. But I've struggled to realise that life isn't like a movie, maybe there's not going to be a happy ending.