Repression ▶ M•C ▶ 2/3

Chapter 42

Ashton's POV

"You'll never understand" I mumbled under my breath. "Why?" She looked upsettingly into my eyes as her voice became louder. I had never experienced the pain of watching someone I loved disappear right in front of my eyes before and now that it was actually happening in this moment but I didn't feel like saying anything at all. I wanted to fall to my knees, beg her to remember who she was and tell her that I was completely in love with her. Then just like that the beautiful girl I met in a smoke-filled bar would come back to life and do something immature and funny. But even when I looked at her, her body was rigid, she lacked any sign of personality and she looked like some sort of trust fund Barbie. I wanted to shake her, scream at her for being to ignorant and forgetting everything she ever had. It infuriated me. "Because you're not the same person you were before. You look the same and act the same, but to me you're never going to be that same girl I met a year ago" I decided to yelled, because anger was the only thing I could let out without seeming weak. I shoved past her abruptly and stormed back inside.

I felt like I couldn't breathe, I had just screamed at the only person who ever understood what was going on in my head. But I guess she wasn't that person anymore, she doesn't understand me, she doesn't even know me. I ran my fingers through my hair and hurried along the narrow corridor towards the staircase. When I got to the top of the stairs, Michael was standing still at the bottom, his face wiped of emotion and glaring at me. There was no way he overheard that conversation, I didn't think I was being that loud. I started to step down the stairs and paused as I passed him. "Gracie is waiting in the garden for you" He muttered, turning away after he spoke in a harsh tone and continued to walk up the stairs. I became more alert when I heard her name, and rushed down the second set of stairs to the ground floor and along the hallway towards the large back doors leading out into the garden. I pushed it open and stood in the quiet breeze of the green garden. Everything was in bloom, cherry blossom tress, yellow roses, red tulips, it was a well-kept piece of land and it instantly made me smile.

On the other end of the garden was Gracie, sat down on a wooden bench staring at the birds singing in the trees. She looked happy, and after our fight that was exactly I hoped she would be. Maybe she'll come to Sydney after all and we can be together. She didn't notice me walk across the grass until I was right beside her, and I sat down next to her looked in the same direction as her. "I heard about Michael's mother, I know she meant a lot to you and I'm sorry about that" She began, her voice not as enthusiastic as usual. "Thanks" I smiled, trying to lift the mood. "But just because you're grieving doesn't mean that you can snap your fingers and I'll come running" She frowned. My heart ached when she placed her hand on my mine and squeezed it, before taking it off a few seconds later. "I want to be here for you, and I am, but I just don't think this should be the reason why I travel to the other side of the world with you. I wanted it to be for love, to have fun and maybe deepen our relationship, but not to grieve, go to funerals and cry. That's not my life and it never will be" She sighed and got to her feet.

"So what's going to happen now? I might never see you again" I grabbed her arm before she was out of reach. She turned back to me and ran her fingers through strands of my hair. "I won't let this be the last time we see each other" She took her hand away and leaned down to kiss my cheek. I stood up and wrapped my arms around her small body. "I'll come back for you, I promise" I whispered, placing small kisses along her neck and cheek. "Don't be too long, I'll be waiting" She smirked, pulling away and turning back towards the front gate. "Bye Aussie, be safe" She looked like she was going to cry. "Bye Gracie, you too" I replied, walking back towards the back door. She turned away and I watched as she disappeared through the black metal gates and going off along the pavement. I had just let another girl I loved go, but this time it wasn't a car crash that pushed her away, it was me. Now that I thought about it, if George is going back to Australia with us then we probably won't be visiting England for a long time. By then she could have moved on, forgotten about me and lost interest. We didn't need to be sad, we could go do incredible things together and forget about all the terrible things happening around us.

I stopped walking to the door and turned around, towards the front gates and started to run. I wasn't going to let this girl get away from me that easily. I sprinted across the lawn and down the driveway before searching down the road for her. Her small figure was walking away in the distance, is I shouted she might be able to hear. "Gracie" I yelled, my voice echoing along the quiet street. Her head turned, and she stopped walking. I couldn't make out her facial expression but I carried on running. The closer I got, the more it looked like she was crying, she was genuinely upset about me leaving. "Ash, what are you doing?" She spoke up when I approached her. "I know it won't be easy, and sometimes it wouldn't always be fun, but I can promise you that you'll always be happy, with me and all my friends. I can show so many incredible things, that you'll remember for the rest of your life but you won't ever know unless you actually come" I panted, grinding to a halt and trying to catch my breath. "Is that a promise?" She laughed, wiping her eyes. I nodded and let out a breath. "Yes, I promise" I grinned. She stepped forward and put her arms around my neck, staring into my eyes. "Then I better get packing" She smirked. I picked her up and spun her around whist we both laughed hysterically. "Thank you" I put her down and almost fell over from being too dizzy. She cupped my cheeks and pressed her lips onto mine, closing her eyes and kissing me. She pulled away and opened her eyes, letting out a small laugh and stepping back. "But seriously I really do need to get packing, I don't even know where my passport is" She chuckled, taking my hand and walking along the road with me. "I guess I'll have to help you then" I swung her hand back and forth with mine and nudged her shoulder. Maybe I didn't need Georgie anymore, maybe I never did.