Testimony

38. Im Proud Of You

Nicki- mom?!

Carol- Onika!

I got up quickly and left the room. I didn't want her to see me cry. I ran out and right into Meeks arms and I just broke down.

Nicki- I can't do that, I can't! I don't wanna see her right now. I can't!

Meek- yes you can. Just go talk to her.

Nicki- I can't Meek!

He lifted my chin and made me look at him.

Meek- you can and you are. I'm not lettin you leave here without talking to her.

I wiped my face and tried to prepare myself to go back in. He grabbed my arm turning me back around and kissed me. I went back in and sat down at the table across from her.

Carol- how have you been?

Nicki- good, you?

Carol- I've been doing good. I've been here for 3 months. I'll be done soon.

There was a lot on my mind but my mouth wouldn't allow me to say anything. I felt like I was dreaming.

Carol- you still in Miami?

Nicki- yeah

Carol- you doin ok down there?

Nicki- mhm

She had no idea about Meek or Razah and I wasn't sure if I wanted her to meet them today. We had a lot of issues to resolve first. I didn't know where to start really. She knows nothing about me from 15 years old until now.

Carol- I've been trying to find you for about 3 years now. I think about you a lot Onika.

Nicki- I think about you sometimes too mom.

Carol- I know our relationship was rocky in the past but I'm clean and I feel good. I want us to have a better relationship. I want to be apart of your life.

Nicki- why now? You've never been apart of my life so why now?

Carol- because now I don't have drugs and alcohol to distract me. Your the only child I have left Onika.

Nicki- I just haven't forgiven you yet. You've done so much to me that sometime I think that you've made me unloveable.

Carol- you are not unloveable Onika.

Nicki- all the beatings and you constantly calling me stupid and telling me that I'm worthless but I'd always forgive you because your my mother and I thought I needed you, but being away from you 7 years made me realize that I don't. I have my own family now and that's what I'm focused on. I don't need any distractions. I'm glad to see that you've finally got your life together but I'm just not ready for a relationship with you. I need more time.

Carol- as sad as it makes me to hear you say that, I understand and I still love you. I know I've been the worst mother a person could ever ask for and I'm sorry. I want us to start over and I want to be the mother that you always wanted. I'm willing to wait until your ready.

Nicki- thank you.

Carol- you know, I worry about you down in Miami since the whole incident with your brother. I pray for your safety every night.

Nicki- I'm fine mom. I have someone that makes sure I'm ok.

Carol- you mentioned a family. What's that all about.

Nicki- my boyfriend and I recently had a baby

Carol- you had a baby Onika?!

Nicki- yeah, his names Razah.

Carol- I bet he's beautiful! I would love to see him one day Onika.

Nicki- you will. Um I know this is kind of out of the blue but where's dad?

Carol- I don't know. I tried to get him to come with me but he kept telling me he wasn't ready. I had to do this for myself because I wanted to live. I had gotten to the point where I had to either stop now, or die and I wasn't ready to die.

Nicki- I'm proud of you mom, I really am.

Carol- and I'm proud of you too. Your a tough lady and you deserve all the blessings that are coming your way.

Nicki- thanks

Carol- do you think it's ok if I have your number? I promise I won't annoy you, I just want for us to keep each other updated on everything.

Nicki- sure

By this time I had no idea how long we had been talking but I was ready to go. We exchanged numbers and then I gathered my things.

Carol- it was nice seeing you Onika. Thank you for coming because we both needed this.

She reached out for a hug and and I excepted it.

Carol- I love you. Take care of yourself.

Nicki- you too mom

She went through a door in the back of the room and I exited the way I came in. Meek was sitting in a chair rocking the baby. When he saw me come out he stood up and I ran into his arms.

Meek- how'd it go?

Nicki- better than I thought

Meek- you mad at me?

Nicki- I'm still deciding.

He chuckled. He held my hand as we walked out of the building back to our car. We got in and headed to the airport.

Nicki- wherever we go next is not gonna end like this is it?

Meek- nah, no more surprises. Just fun.

Nicki- good, thank you. I don't know if I would be able to handle it.

It took us no time to get to the airport. We followed the same routine except we got some airport food before getting on the plane this time.

Nicki- I'm guessing your not going to tell me where we goin?

Meek- all Ima say is get some sleep because this flight not gone be as quick as the last one.

I laid my head in his lap and went to sleep with him playing in my hair.

* OK SO THAT WASN'T TO BAD. THERE WAS A FEW TEARS BUT I DIDN'T CRY.😊
* THEY'RE HEADED TO A NEW PLACE. WHERE DO YALL THINK THEY GOIN?
RANDOM: CURRENTLY WATCHING MMG ( MEEK) ON WILD N OUT.