5SOS Imagines vol. 2

Suicide/Suicide Attempt-AI

TRIGGER WARNING READ THIS NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE

NORMAL POV

Ashton autographed the phones and papers and things he was handed almost reluctantly. He did his best to keep a happy face on. It's been about five months since your death. You took your own life. You were not to blame though. It wasn't your fault people were bullies, and most definitely not your fault that you developed the mental illness that caused you to hate yourself. You didn't choose this mental disorder. You were born with it.

Despite what you thought of yourself, you were beautiful, and fun, and lovable, and creative, and all around
amazing. And Ashton tried his hardest every day to show that to you. But you couldn't take it anymore. When Ashton found you on the floor in the bathroom, he had a heart attack, called an ambulance, and held you, hoping you would wake up in his arms. But when the paramedics got there, they announced you dead at the scene. That was when Ashton broke down.

He called the boys and they all came over, comforting him. Shows had to be cancelled, because there was no saying in when Ashton could play again. Ashton beat himself up every day, wondering what more he could have done to prevent you from doing what you did. But he couldn't blame himself either. You were sick, and there was nobody to blame for that.

Ashton missed you like crazy, there was no doubt about that. He told everyone you were the love of his life. Despite your depression, he knew the real you. The one that enjoyed going out on adventures and being spontaneous.

The fans knew about your death, and they kept quiet about it for Ashton's sake. But there were some fans that just loved the drama. While Ashton and the boys were making their way to the hotel, someone shouted, "Ash! How are you feeling after (y/n) suicide?"

Ashton put on a small smile. There was no way he could have known if she was asking this question on purpose, or if she was curious how he was but didn't word it right. "I'm okay. Hanging in there," he responded. But the question hit him hard. He signed a few more phones then, broke his way through the crowd into the hotel.

He ran up the stairs, too impatient to wait for the elevator. He opened the door to his room and ran to the bathroom. He washed his face with cool water, when he heard the door open. He walked out after drying off his face to find Calum, Luke, and Michael. Ashton just looked at his three best friends, then made his way to sit on the edge of his bed. Calum sat on his left side, while Michael sat on his right. Luke knelt in front. Calum rubbed Ashton's back soothingly.

Most of the time, guys, especially these ones, won't do much along the lines of comforting, but this was different. Ashton needed comfort.

"I miss her. So. Fucking. Much," Ashton muttered, fighting off the tears that threatened to fall.

"We know," Michael said.

"We miss her too," Luke said.

"What did I do wrong? Why did she leave me?"

"You did nothing wrong, Ash. She was sick. It's nobody's fault. Not even her's," Calum said.

"God has a time frame fro everyone. (y/n)'s was just shorter than we wanted it to be," Luke mentioned.

"She was a wonderful girl, and we were all lucky to have had her in our life. Especially you. She made an impact on all of us. And she will always be with us. In memory, and in our hearts. I'm not saying get over it, because, fuck, I'm not over it either and she wasn't my girlfriend. But she was like a sister to us. It's hard, and we understand that. And we are going to be here for you no matter how long it takes," Calum said.

"I don't mean to sound gay right now, but I love you guys. You truly are my best friends," Ashton said.

"You couldn't get rid of us if you tried," Michael said. Ashton laughed lightly.

"Thank you, guys," Ashton said.

"How about we order room service and stay up late and watch movies like we did before the band took off," Luke offered.

"That sounds wonderful," Ashton smiled.

"PIZZA," Michael shouted and raced to the phone to order food, leaving the others to laugh at his stupidity.

a/n: I had a hard time writing this. If any of you struggle with suicide and self harm, just know I love you and your amazing inside and out.