5SOS Imagines vol. 2

The Darkness Within-LH

TRIGGER WARNING: THIS SERIES WILL BE ABOUT DEPRESSION AND STUFF SO IF YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE READING THIS OR FEEL IT MIGHT TRIGGER SOMETHING, I ADVICE YOU TO NOT READ IT
ALSO IF YOU EVER NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO, INBOX ME HERE OR KIK ME AT jessischipmunk

YOUR POV

I sat alone on my bed with the light off. The room was pitch black. I felt it was only appropriate, seeing that it fit my mood. My depression comes in waves, but it seemed to be coming a lot more often and hitting me harder than it normally did. I lived with my auntie, but she had always been gone at work, and when she's home is around the time I'd be in bed so I don't see her often.

I hadn't talked to anyone in days. My friends all call to see if I want to go out, but I just tell them I'm busy. I talk to my boyfriend Luke, but that's about it. And even when I talk to him, I reply with one word answers. Three words at the most. I think he was starting to realize that something might be wrong with me. He knew I had depression, but I am usually pretty good at keeping it in. This time, not so much.

Luke has told me multiple times that I can come to him when I'm feeling this way. But that't the thing- I feel like a burden when I'm in this state and I don't want to bother anybody. That's part of my condition. I don't necessarily feel unwanted, I mean, I do but its a little more than that. I just feel like I constantly bother people and when I feel like that, I stay back and basically live in a shell. A shell that Luke still has yet to break.

Today, I pretty much avoided him. My phone rang, and I noticed it was him calling me. I silenced the ring and let it go to voicemail for about the sixth time tonight.

About fifteen minutes later, there was a knock on my door. I didn't move. I just stared blankly at the darkness in front of me. The door creaked open, light from the hallway invading my world of darkness. "(y/n)," I heard a deep accent call. I knew it was Luke, but I still didn't move. "Baby, what's the matter?" he asked. He sat down on my bed next to me. I was sitting with my legs crossed and hands folded in my lap. Luke gently picked up one of my hands. "I told you that you can always come to me. I know its hard, princess, but you have to at least try."

I shook my head and dropped it. Tears fell from my lashes and landed on the bed's comforter. I took in a shaky breath, and I think that's what gave away I was crying. Luke gently wrapped his arms around me, pulling me so I was comfortably tucked into his chest. "Talk to me, baby girl," he whispered, his lips on my forehead.

I took in a deep breath and said, "I hate everything about me. I don't know why you like me, I don't know why you're with me, I don't know why my friends tolerate me, I don't know why I'm here... I'm worthless. I'm not worth a thing to anyone. I see my mom once in a while, but I can tell that she regrets me. I can see it in her eyes. I have no purpose here... I just want it to end."

Luke pulled me closer, tightening his arms around me. "You are so worth it, (y/n). I wouldn't be here if you weren't. You have so much to offer the world and your friends. I love you for a countless amount of reasons. And I know your friends would say the same."

"Then why does it hurt all the time," I asked.

"Because there are some people that enjoy seeing others in pain. And you may not be able to handle the comments said and the rude tweets as easily as others, it doesn't mean any of the things people say is true. Whoever told you were worthless, or made you think that, they're beyond wrong. And your mom... I don't know what she feels, but I can guarantee that if she feels regret, its for not being there when she needed to be. Not for having you as a child."

my breathing started to slow a bit as Luke's words soothed me. But I didn't say anything.

"I want you to do something for me, and you have to promise me you'll do it," he said.

I looked up at his blue eyes and said, "What is it?"

"I want you to make a list of 10 things you like about yourself. And they cannot be talents. They have to be qualities. And when you've finished making that list, I will take you out to dinner and we will discuss it together. I'll give you a week to make the list, okay?"

"But that's so hard," I whined.

"You can do it, baby. I know you can."

I nodded, "Okay."

"Perfect. And I'm gonna be on your ass about it to make sure you do it."

I laughed a little and said, "Alright. I love you, Luke."

"I love you too, princess. I'll stay with you tonight if you'd like me to."

"Please," I said and crawled up the bed to lay down, Luke following my actions. He wrapped me in his arms and we both fell asleep peacefully.