On the Road Again || Luke Hemmings

Part Thirty-Four

*Trigger Warning*

Today has been one of the worst days ive had in awhile. We got back from Australia on Sunday and ive been in a mood ever since. Nothing happened though, just my fucking depression kicking my ass once again. I shoved my front door open and threw my bag on the floor before running upstairs. I walked into my room, relieved to see that Luke was still out with Calum. He hasn't noticed my change in moods and i plan to keep it that way. I kicked off my converse and sat down on my bed, 
my back leaning up against the wall. I sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "Why does this keep happening to me?" I muttered, bring my hands up to my face. I rubbed my eyes and let my hands fall back down into my lap. I glanced over at my bedside table and cringed before ripping the top droor open. I began rummaging through it, taking out all of my journals and books that were kept in there. I felt the small object i was looking for and picked it up immediately. I pulled the bobbypin out of my hair, letting my bangs brush against my face. I bent it open and began unscrewing the sharpener. I flipped it over and let the cool metal fall in to my hand. I placed the screw and the rest of the sharpener back on my table and looked at the small razor in my hands. Am i really going to do this? I shook my head and put the blade on my table as well. "No i cant." I exhaled and began putting everything back into the droor. I layed down into my bed and rolled over on my side, cuddling my stuffed penguin into my chest. I sighed once more before finally shutting my eyes and falling asleep.

~~~~~

"What the fuck is this!" Luke yelled, waking me up. I rolled over and sat up to face him. "What's what Luke? And why are you yelling?" I asked and he glared at me before pointing to the table next to me. I looked over and saw the taken apart sharpener. Fuck. "Luke i can explain.." I started and he rolled his eyes. "Go on then." "I didnt do anything." I stated and showed him my wrist. "Thats not the only place you would do it Amanda." He said and i sighed, standing up from my bed. I unbuttoned my jeans and rolled them down to show him the top of my thighs. He nodded at me and i pulled my jeans back up. He stared at me for a minute and i couldnt read the expression he had on his face. "Amanda i cant do this anymore." He stated and my heart started beating rapidly. "What?" I asked, completely dumbfounded. "I cant do this anymore. This is becoming too much for me to handle. Im sorry, but im going back home." He replied bluntly and walked over to my closest to grab his suitcase. "Luke you cant do this, please. I didnt even do anything! And im getting better, you know that!" I yelled, tears flooding down my cheeks. "Obviously not." He grumbled and walked towards my door. "Luke please, dont do this.. I love you.." I whimpered and he shook his head. "I love you too, but i just cant do this Amanda. Im sorry." He said and walked out of my room. "Luke im sorry!" I yelled. I heard my front door slam shut and i collapsed onto the floor. I couldnt control the sobs escaping my mouth. I reached up and felt around for the razor, before grasping it in my hand. I raised up my left arm, letting tears drip onto it. "Im sorry."

~~~~~

I shot up from my bed and looked around my room, breathing heavily. It was just a dream. I sighed in relief and looked down at the razor the sat on my table. I picked it up and screwed in back into the sharpener befor throwing it across the room. I heard my bedroom door creak open and watched as Lukes tall figure walked in and flipped the light on. "Hey baby! How was your day?" He smiled at me. I scrambled out of bed and crashed my body into his. He wrapped his arms tightly around me and picked me up off of the floor. "What was that all about sweetie?" He chuckled, placing me back down. "Luke i need to tell you something." I said and he nodded, worry etched within his eyes. I looked down at my feet and let out a breath. "Ive been depressed all week Luke. And today i got fairly close to relapsing.." I whispered and looked back up at him. He looked hurt but nodded for me to continue. "I didnt though. And i wont. After i found the razor i fell asleep and had a dream that you left me. You told me that you couldnt do this anymore," I said, motioning between the two of us. "You said i was too much to handle." I mumbled and looked back down. He placed two fingers under my chin and lifted my head back up. "Listen, i am hurt that you kept the fact that you've been depressed from me and that you almost started hurting yourself again, but i am never going to leave you. You're everything to me Amanda. Just please, please tell me when you're feeling like this. You know i'll help in anyway i can. I want you to get better more than anything sweetie, please." He pleaded and i nodded. "Im so sorry Luke. I promise i'll come to you whenever i feel like this again. You just know how i am sometimes, i dont like coming to people because i always feel like im being a bother." I stated. "You could not be more wrong Amanda." He laughed softly. "You never bother me. Especially when it comes to this kind of thing." He said and kissed my forehead. "Okay." I whispered. He leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. I smiled into the kiss before he gently pulled away. "You can be annoying sometimes though." He laughed and i gasped. "Hey!" I yelled, pouting. "Awh come on sweetie im kidding!" He defended, still chuckling. "You are the worst boyfriend ever." I teased, poking his stomach. He wrapped his arms back around me and leaned down, resting his forehead against mine. He kissed my nose and smiled. "You and i both know that isnt true babygirl."

(:| aye an update. hello. no im not dead. just havent really been motivated to write anything lately and im sorry. i know this parts kinda sad but hey the end gets cute so shush. okay bye. i love you.

~hemmos_giggle    |:)