smell the roses | j.j.k

05

October 22nd

This is the first time you have come in two days in a row. I can't deny how surpsied I was to see you. I also can't deny it made my entire day.

I couldn't believe it. I am still in shock. Today, you didn't come in for flowers. I even pricked my finger as I went to grab the roses for you. You didn't notice. It was only because I gripped them too tight when you said that wasn't what you were here for.

You wanted to talk to me. Only me.

I suddenly cursed you all over again, because that small beacon of hope returned. It dimmed when you said it was because I was easy to talk to, but it still blinded me. You also said you thought I probably get lonely hanging around this shop. Little do you know it just leaves me to my thoughts about you.

But the fact I even crossed your mind is what made my knees weak.

I was surprised at how little I felt disappointed when you were here for my opinion about the girl. My mind was still reeling that you actually searched out my advice. The fact that you actual took value in the words I spoke.

You spent over an hour in here with me. You sat on the edge of the counter and hung on every word I said as if it was a speech made by a monarch. You absorbed everything I said as if it was vital to keep you alive.

Yet it almost killed me the way you listened.

But that's the thing. You would never know that I had any of these thoughts. Because that's all they are. Thoughts. Because you're exactly what I was to you.

Easy to talk to.

How come my mind screams for you, but I stay calm in your presence. Maybe this is why you never notice just how much I actually fawn over you. I feel like it's my blessing and my curse.

My blessing. It saves me from my impeccable embarrassment.

My curse. You may never know just how much you light me up.

A part of me wants to break the curse. Once again my stupidity surfaced and made me wonder that if I showcased my interest, I may end up with my own red roses. But no.

My rapid heart beat stays silent to your ears but is deafening in my own. My knees wobble, but I use the bench as support rather than you. My throat may be dry, but I never ask you for a glass of water. My breath is short, but I still allow you to take it from me. I get lost in your eyes, but I don't have the strength to ask for a map.

My admiration of you only belongs to me. But that's the only thing I keep, because you have stolen everything else Jeon Jungkook.