My Wonderful Fucked up Life

lets get serious

I felt like the 'about the book thing' made this story come off as more serious and life helping them it actually is and I'm sorry if you expected something different. But I can't help that I have an odd personality and can constantly go from a mood to were I feel serious and want to share my thoughts and feelings to someone who gives a fuck about absolutely nothing at all and becomes best friends with Netflix as she tries to tune out the rest of the world. When I first came up with the idea of this book my plan was to share all the terrible things that had happened to me or hurt me emotionally but how I was fucking blind and thought I had a boring life were nothing happened but at least everything was ok. I constantly try to block things out that I don't like, for example my odd personality I want to like it I just can never tell if I'm acting right or wrong so I usually stay quiet at times not knowing what to do and not wanting to mess up. That's why I like my I don't give a fuck mood, because sometimes I'm more open and happy, sometimes angry and wanting to be alone but that mood as a lot of different outcomes with my persona. I honestly just feel very confused.....I don't like to feel shy or feel scared of talking to people I don't know. I just can't help it. There are a lot of people at school that I know but I just feel different from everyone. And not the good kind of different. Sure at times I feel special or unique but I want to feel like that all the time. Like at my school there's barely any shy kids mostly everyone is open and can talk freely with one another and have no problem making friends. Then there's that 10 percent of us who just don't know what to do. Sometimes at school I'll go from being a retard with my friend making stupid Pokemon pictures for our teacher(even though he doesn't appreciate are deformed teamed rocket :-|) to sitting quiet all day and barely moving a muscle. Sometimes I even have trouble talking to teachers. I think my problem is mostly faced toward public places I hate being around more than a hand full of people (unless I'm in gym class because the more people present the more people to hide behind;-).....) . I think I have a fear of humans....

I knew I was a unicorn!!!!