My Dark Rants

Fears of the dark

   I feel useless. I can't take back words, I can't take away people's pain. So many people are breaking down, so many people are dying inside. The hurt in this world is growing stronger and people are becoming harsher with each other, and to themselves. We're only humans. We crash, we break down, we use others to build us back up, and end up getting hurt again.
   My friends are tearing themselves apart, trying to cope with the pain, trying to live on. There are people I've never met in person, but I've felt the pain they have felt when they tell me. I can't understand why they have to suffer, why do they have to feel the pain? I can take it, I can take their pain so they don't have to feel it.
   I'm terrified. I'm tearing myself apart, because I worry every minute of every day. My mind is my enemy. I create fears that never would even cross my mind if I hadn't been alone to think. I can't help it. My mind just goes and goes. It's stuffed with a bunch of things that confuse me, I hardly can pay attention to what's at hand at that very moment.
I'm tired of seeing so many people I care for taking their lives, because they couldn't see a better tomorrow, they couldn't see past their demons. I want to help change that, but I'm so useless and small in this huge freakin cruel world it doesn't make a difference. I'll do my best. I'm not giving up on my friends, but I'm just terrified of the darkness that I took song long to get out of, and helping those stuck in the dark is not easy. Demons lure you, they tease you and mock you, judge and ridicule you.
You can never find your savior from the darkness in a human being, no matter how much you love them. They are human, they are not some god that can relieve your pain with the snap of their finger. What also bothers me, which related to my rant in a way, is when someone is upset, in the darkest days of depression, or just had a bad day, they go to a person to relieve their pain. Say it's their girlfriend. Say the person is just ready to fall, ready to die, ready to give up, and they take out all their sadness and distress on their girlfriend.
One human being cannot handle all your problems, it takes a power much greater than ours. But that's not to say they can't help you stand back up. Have you ever wanted to just fall into that one person's arms, because you wanted to feel loved and cared for? Sometimes that's not how it will go. Not everyone is standing there, with their arms wide open ready to catch you.
That's how life is, it's cruel. Some doors open, and some slam right in your face. But it's about moving on. Depression is not the end, and suicide is not the answer to ending the problems. It only creates more problems when you are gone. Don't you dare tell me no one cares. Your reading the unspoken words of someone who cares more about you than they do their own life.
But don't take that as I would kill myself either. The only reason I live, my purpose on this is earth is to help others. I don't care what pain I have to go through because I'll pull put of it one way or another. But no one should go through the pain alone. And as I had mentioned before, no one should be alone, but people are not going to come to you when you are upset. You need to get up and go to them. They are waiting to help you, you just have to try, and by doing that you'll find them.