My Dark Rants

Kill me.

So today was the last day of school, thank god. Everyone has been writing entries in their books and its just starting to hit me now that I'm alone in my dark room with no one and I'm upset because of problems with my dad, I'm upset because my brother made me mad, I'm upset because I made an extremely regrettable mistake. I feel like a complete jackass, actually, I am a complete jackass. I was selfish. I am selfish. You the fuck what? YOU KNOW FUCKING WHAT. MY DAD WAS RIGHT. I'm so selfish, I only think about myself. I spent my entire year upstairs away from my friends.
I also got in a fight today with my brother. He got mad at me because I was mad at him for dragging me around to stores I hate for a CD that he wanted for himself, and he couldn't get it because all of those stores were either closed or out of stock. And then he said that I need to act mature because that's how he sees me. Oh okay, so now I have to live up to expectation even though literally last week he said be yourself and don't let anyone tell you who to be. Okay, thanks a lot you jackass. And I am forever angry at my dad, he told me he sleeps in his car, that he only gets a meal a day, and only gets 2 hours of sleep a night because he's "trying so hard to get a job" BUT GUESS WHERE THE FUCK HE WAS THAT DAY HE TOLD ME THIS INFORMATION. HE WAS AT SIX FLAGS, AT THE WATER PARK, WITH HIS BROTHERS. I DON'T FUCKING THINK THAT'S HARD WORK ON TRYING TO GET A JOB. AND NOT ONLY THAT, BUT HE HAS PLACES TO GO, HE HAS HIS MOM'S HOUSE AND SURE ITS A LITTLE EMBARRASSING BUT HE IS NOT HOMELESS, AND HIS MOM DOES NOT LET ANYONE LEAVE HER HOUSE WITH AN EMPTY STOMACH, ESPECIALLY HER OWN SON. SHE STILL MAKES HIM LUNCH BECAUSE HE LOVES HER COOKING AND DOES SHE HAVE TO DO THAT? NO. HE IS OLD ENOUGH TO FEED HIMSELF. SO WHY TELL ME HE HAS NO WHERE TO SLEEP AND NOTHING TO EAT YOU FUCKING LIER. DON'T GIVE ME THAT SHIT.
I'm done. I want it all to end. I feel nothing but anger and I just want to like jump off a cliff so that

1. I won't act like my dad by being angry.
2. I won't hurt anyone because my brother said I'm acting like my dad, which is the worst thing I can ever imagine to be.

Is that too much to ask? I can't gain the courage to do it, plus then I would leave Matheus and while all I want is to die, all I want is to finally meet him in real life. Everyone has told me it won't happen, and that makes me mad too because just let me be happy and let me feel loved for once. Stop belittling my happiness, and especially my problems. Especially stop acting like everything can be solved with a simple solution, it doesn't work that way.