My Dark Rants

Crash and Burn

Life seems good now. Things are going okay. My depression is under better control, but then there are nights like tonight. I'm scared. I'm over-thinking. I'm...so... worried I'm going to lose Matheus. The world is sick and anything is possible, suppose he got hurt. Suppose something happened where I'm never able to even talk to him again. My happiness would be gone, my motivation. I don't know what the future holds and it scares me that I don't. I just want to see him face to face and hug him and never let go. It all sounds SUPER cliché but you would understand if you know a person you can only connect to over satellite connection. If that single connect is gone, it's over. My entire world revolves around him because with him, I have support against my depression and my stress, my family problems become easier to cope with, with him by my side to make me laugh when I'm crying my eyes out, and to help my pain go away when it's like... that time of the month... •~• DON'T SAY TMI IT'S CALLED NATURE. But all of these "what if" questions are swirling in my mind and I'm afraid my world will crash, and burn before my very eyes, and all I can do is sit, staring at my phone, unable to do shit. I haven't been the same since I met him, I changed; for the better. I'm happier, MUCH more patient with everything, more motivated, and an empty hole I couldn't figure out how to fill is bright and hopeful. I can find positivity, and hope in the sadder times, and I'm stronger against my depression. I don't make my life rest on his shoulders though, he is not God. But he is someone I can entrust my life upon if ever danger or the severe side of depression comes back. I trust him with everything I have, I need him in my life. I'm scared... what if... one day I wake up... and it's all gone...