Ups and Downs to Life

Discussions

I don't know why but something changed. Jack and I are as happy as the day we first fell in love with each other. But now I don't know I feel a different feeling about this. I mean I wanna go back to him and go back the way things was. But I ask him if he wanted to be in a relationship and comes to find out he is ready for a relationship and I am not. I wanna be in a relationship with him but I guess there's a gut feeling. I love him so much but there something else there I know it. I keeping say maybe it's nothing and I am stressing for no reason. I am scared though. I am scared that he's just gonna get up and leave again he keep saying he never left but he did and I get so mad when he says that bullshit. It makes me so mad cause I had to go through so much shit by my damn self 3 people in my family died and I went through court by myself. And through my tough times all I wanted to do is run into his arms and cry and he wouldn't even text me back. And I think that is so fucked up but know I know what I know I kinda understand but then again it's like you made me suffer cause you did want what to happen......

I hate when he doesn't speak his mind like we are talking and I guess he didn't like the fact of me "going on a date" it was supposed to be just a guy friend but he didn't like it and then I wanted him to explain or talk it out and he complete shut down on me tried to change the subject and shit like I am not dumb I don't have DUMB ASS on my forehead come on now. I know when there is something wrong duh. But I wanted to hear it from him, I just wanted him to be like "baby I don't want you dating and then why" and I would have dropped the conversation but he was like "never mind how was your day" like no if something is bothering you text me so I can fix it duh. And then he stop texting me and everything like what the fuck I am not playing mind games with you.

I don't like when he is never taking shit serious. Sometimes I wanna have a mature conversation but sometimes he will say dumb shot and it really pisses me off. I'll say something like I love you or where are you at and he will say fucking "BANANAS" that shit pisses me off completely it's like damn can you take something serious and I hate when I have to tell him to be serious it makes me mad asf. 😡😡Cause I am ready to begin my life with this asshole and he can't cracking jokes it's like his not ready to be a big boy. I am talking about getting a nice job and get some wheels have 4 beautiful kids and he says "BANANAS" it pisses me the fuck off. It's like maybe his not ready to step up to the plate or he will never be ready to step up.😔😔