Ups and Downs to Life

Cuts & Bruises

Every cut and bruise you have is a memory or a growling you need to express. I cut myself for the first time in a couple days and as I citing I went deeper and deeper cause the pain felt so good. As I was hurting myself I was thinking of all the people that hurt me. And I am cutting and I started to black out. But then I realized why am I hurting myself. I cut myself to make the pain go away and then I started punch the wall like the wall did something to me and it didn't. I just fell so low today and nobody was there to pick me back up and I realized it's gonna be like this from now on there not always gonna be that one person that takes the knife out you hand or hold u so you can't keep hurting yourself. And then it just made me more and more mad so I cut harder and punch harder. I have never fell this low. I mean I cut myself in front of my whole class before but knowing the shit that was in my head is what fucked me up. I hate hurting myself it leave the ugliest scars and now I have a couple scars on my arms. And when people ask you what happened you have to sit there and try to explain yourself without being judged. Then I just roll down my sleeves and act like nothing to happened. I hurt because everyone has kicked me down when I was already down I thought about be a bitch and doing the same but knowing what it feels like to hurt and cry and suffer why the fuck would I ever do that to another person I thought about beat Jack the fuck up and let ever watch I thought about bribes ting somebody head in for hurt my friend. I thought about busting all of jack's window and just beat the dog shit out of him but why would I want to hurt somebody I love just because they hurt me. I mean don't get me wrong I am still pretty damn pissed that I walked all the way up there and he could have just told me he wasn't home but I was more mad at myself for think he could change. If he hurt you once he can't hurt you again if he leaves once he can always get up and go with he feel like it again.😔😔