Underneath the old wooden dresser, mixed with a layer of dust and a few wrappers is something I hadn't seen in two long years. My wedding ring. My hand shakes as I reach for it. I finally get my fingers around it, and I hold it close to my body. Jus...
"Alex." I beg for him to look at me. He looks terrified because of my physical state. I arch my back in pain only to be restrained. My contractions are not that long apart. His eyes shift from the door back to me.
"Alex, please don't be scared." I beg. I need him to be holding me up right now. Not the other way around. He let's out a shaky breath and grabs onto my hand.
They won't give me any medicine because I've already been dilated. I give his hand a squeeze and press my teeth together. Birth is the worst part of a females life.
"Let's have a baby!" The doctor exclaims, walking through the door with a nurse. I nod my head. All I want is this pain to end.
"Take in a deep breath and give me a big push, baby." The doctor says. Why is she talking to me like I'm little? I take in a deep breath and push as hard as I can. I cannot help but let out a scream of pain while I do it.
"You're doing good." Alex assures me, pushing the hair from my forehead. Thanks. Tears prick my eyes as the pain starts to become unbearable.
I've already been in this room for four hours. Pain shoots up my body, and I squeeze my hand against Alex's tightly. My eyes squeeze shut and I let out one very strong push.
Then, it happens. All the pressure on my body seems to release in an instant. The sounds of infant cries fills my eyes. There's a buzzing noise, and the monitor. Everything seems to fade, and all my attention is on the baby.
Alexi. I gulp when I see him. His body is red, and he's screaming for his life. He's alive. My eyes don't leave his when they wrap him in a little blue blanket.
"It's a boy!" The doctor exclaims. It feels like slow motion when she hands him over to me. His tiny arms tremble as he frantically waves them about. He's absolutely beautiful. His head already has a patch of dark black hair, and he most definitely has Alex's nose.
His cries turn to whimpers, then they turn to nothing but slow breathing. His body relaxes and before I know it he's fallen asleep on my chest. My heart aches. The longer I look down at him, the harder it is to even consider giving him up. As soon as a mother sees her child they fall in love. I fell in love with Alexi the day that I conceived him.
My bottom lip trembles. I take my finger and run it over his head gently. A single tear falls from my eye. "It's nice to finally meet you, Alexi. I'm your mama." The words sting. I feel as if both of my lung have collapsed.
I feel a pain run through me. It's a sensation I've never felt before. I'm already taking this hard, and I haven't even left yet. I don't dare take my eyes off of Alexi. I know, that this may be the first and last time I'll ever get to hold him against me like this. I hate it.
"Beautiful." Alex utters, pushing hair out of my face and looking down at not only Alexi, but me too. My heart is telling me to stay, but it's also wanting me to go back home where I belong.
People always say follow your heart, but which way do you go if even that cannot make up it's mind? Do I stay here with Alexi and Alex? I know that I need to go home to Ryan and North. Love has too many consiquences.
I look down at the infant in my arms. I do not know what to choose. I don't think something like this can be chosen. I cannot be in two places at once, but if I could I would be. Distance is against me.
Do I stay in England with Alexi, or go home to North? Tears prick my eyes when the doctor takes Alexi from my hands. Alex let's out a breath and presses a kiss to my sweaty forehead.
"Please don't cry, mama." Alex begs, wiping the tears from my face. "Please." He croaks. I drop my arms to my side when they're released from the restraints.
I go completely numb.
I don't hate Alex for what he has done. I hate myself for ever agreeing to something like this. I promised myself I wouldn't fall in love with this baby. Now it seems like the more I think about not loving him, I love him more.
I can't just give him up, and pretend that he doesn't exist. You cannot just forget the ones that you love. I won't ever forgive myself if I just give him up.
I've already given up so much. Can I bare giving up something else that I love? It's just selfishness. Alex wants Alexi to be happy. He had told me that. I feel my heart beat against my rib cage.
It'll be okay, Taylor. My wolf says to me. I promise that one day, he'll show up in our lives again. You just have to trust me. I clench my jaw, and feel Alex finger tips wipe tears from my face. I don't know if I should stay or go. I'm conflicted in more ways that one. Who's love outweighs the other?
Choose. Lucifer' voice from my dream months ago mocks me. I shake my head furiously. I can't just choose. I wished that it was that simple. Nothing seems so simply anymore. I just want to be okay.
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What do you guys think Taylor should choose? Why? Do you think it's wrong of Taylor to even consider staying after everything that's happened to her? Tell me what you think!
