Carrier (TPA2)

38 -awake-

I'm wanting this story to have at least 45 chapters and then an epilogue (:

I wake up in a sudden jolt. My eyes flash around and my hands are shaking. My dream was bizzare. Insane even.

In that dream, it's the first time I actually made a decision. Every other time that I've had it, I always end up killing myself. It was completely different though.

Tears burn my eyes. I do not regret the decision in my dream, but the fact that it all seemed so real. The voices, the touch, the gun shot.

"it's okay, baby." Ryan whispers, pulling me tightly against him. I whimper. His fingers run through the ends of my knotted hair as I try to control my miniature panic attack.

My eyes flash around the room. It's bright inside here, and I squint when my head is completely moved from Ryan's chest. As soon as my head isn't against him, my wolf longs to hear his heartbeat again.

I didn't get to explain myself to Ryan. I blink. He asked me questions, but I didn't go into detail about what happened there. I do not think he could handle it. He's already handled so much.

I shake, and stare down at my hands. How the hell could I bring myself to just kill someone like that? I care about him, but I cannot believe I could even do such a thing to someone that I love. I have a kid with him for crying out loud!

I push them through my hair. I shouldn't be like this. It was just a dream. No one is dead. Will someone be dead? I cannot predict the future, so I'm sure it was just a dream.

Just a dream, I remind myself. That's all it was. If I smoked, this would be a grand time to do so. Hell, I'll probably smoke two entire packs without stopping.

"When are we leaving?" I wonder, shaking the dream from my mind. I look towards Ryan. He furrows his eyebrows and looks towards the window.

He has that same hopeful look in his eye from my dream while he looks at me. His eyes roam down to my neck and then back up to my eyes again.

"It's only seven in the morning," he mutters, checking his phone tiredly. I simply blink. I don't care what time it was. "Let's just sleep for a few more hours. I understand you're ready to get there, but it's going to be chaotic. Everyone's going to be so happy to see you and you won't be able to get any rest," he says softly, sitting up and looking towards me. I purse my lips. Excited to see me? It makes me feel giddy inside.

They don't know what you've done though, my wolf reminds me. I let out a little sigh. They'll be disappointed in me, as their luna, but If Ryan can forgive me, they almost have to. I'm a wolf, and yet I still understand nothing.

I look at my hands, and then back at Ryan. His hair is messy, and his lips are pouted from sleep. Not to mention, there are dark circles under his eyes. He deserves to sleep. It looks like he hadn't slept very good in years.

I surrender to what he had said. I couldn't agree with him more. It will be chaotic. Maybe not the way he intends it to be-maybe it will- but chaotic would be the perfect word to describe everything that has happened, and most likely will happen.

"I'm not tired, but I'll stay in bed and let you sleep." I offer back. Ryan keeps his eyes locked on mine for awhile. Eventually, he gives in.

"I'll stay up with you, T. It's no big deal." He says as I lay down and curl into the blankets. I shake my head.

"I'll be fine, just sleep Ryan." I give him a smile. It isn't exactly fake, but it wasn't completely real either. It was more of a empathetic smile.

"let's just lay here and talk." He utters. Ryan's arms pull me against him and he let's out a soft sigh.

I run my fingers through his hair. Our eyes are simply locked and there is only silence between us for awhile. Ryan is the first to speak.

"God, North could pass as your identical twin." He smiles widley. I cannot help but smile at Ryan. He looks so proud when he talking about North. I'm grateful for that.

"So you kept your promise?" I wonder, tracing his jaw line. It's almost disappeared and been replaced with a growing beard. His eyes flutter shut.

"What's that?" Ryan hums. I can hear the drowsiness in his voice.

"Do you remember our little promise? The one where you wouldn't give up on her if something were to happen to me. I'm guessing you kept it?" I say softly. He let's out a deep breath and nods his head.

"I kept it. Without you, she was the only thing keeping me going." He whispers. My fingers find his dark hair. It's soft, and tangle free but yet I still comb through it as if there are knots in it.

It falls silent. Seconds turn into minutes, and eventually Ryan falls asleep to me playing with his hair. His breaths are short and steady. His heartbeat has slowed gradually, and his bottom lips is puckered out.

Even in his sleep, he pulls me close and buried his head against my throat. It makes me believe that my dream was real. Not completely. I feel as though my decision in my dream was an extreme one, because the man I chose will not let me down.

When I pulled the trigger of the gun, it was aimed towards Alex.

THIS IS THE SECOND PART OF 38 BECAUSE I DIDNT WANT TO MIX YOU GIYS UP QITH THE DREAM AND JUNK. I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE SENTIMENTAL CHAPTER THAT IS MORE LIKE A FILLER. WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK? CUTE? IS RYAN ACCEPTING HER TOO FAST? IS SHE? WHAT ABOUT THE WHOLE GUN THING.

In the last paragraph of this chapter I said that the dream was real, but not completely. She killed Alex in her dream, but in reality she's killing her feelings for him and letting the ones for Ryan take over. How do you guys feel about her decision? Was it the right one?