Carrier (TPA2)

30

Im starting to get just a little bit emotional about this story.

I feel as though my lungs have collapsed, and the doctors are doing nothing to try and save me. I'm not ready to leave.

I stayed put together when I held Alexi one last time. It was only a brief time. Alex insisted that it would be easier for me to leave if I didn't see Alexi right before I'm gone.

I sit in the passenger side of the car. I don't have anything to take with me. I don't dare speak a word. If I do, I'll burst into tears. As we get further from Alexi, I feel as if my heart sinks lower. I'm drowning in my own guilt.

"I-do-" Alex starts to speak, but is at a loss of words. What can he say? It's an awkward time in my life. I know he wants to say something, but I can't tell what it is.

"What?" I ask. I glance at him. I cannot bring myself to look at him fully. I've got to push Alex and Alexi into the back of my mind for now. It's only reasonable. If I keep them on my mind it'll make this departure harder than it should be.

"Nothing." He sighs. His shoulders lower as if he relaxes. "I don't know what to say." He bites at his lip and pulls into the airport. I sigh. Me neither.

"I guess I just want to thank you." Alex says, parking and shutting off the car. "For everything. I know that what I did to you was beyond sickening. Yet, throughout most of our time together you were good to me. You opened your heart to me, even though I know I didn't deserve it." He shakes his head and turns to me. "I'm glad that I met you- and so is my wolf.  We may not be a couple, but I'll always care about you. I mean that in the most innocent way possible, Taylor. My wolf accepted you into the pack. You can come anytime you want to. I just need you to make me a promise." He says.

I furrow my eyebrows and look at Alex. A promise? I won't ever see him again. Why does he need a promise? I blink, "what?" My voice is hoarse. I don't know why I'm getting emotional talking to him, but I am regardless.

"Promise me that you'll be happy when you get home. I know that leaving Alexi behind is a painful thing. I can promise you that he will know who his mother is, and that you loved him. I'll tell him what I did to you. He deserves to know." Alex sighs. His eyes meet mine and I have to look away. Tears are forming.

"Taylor, mama, you deserve the best. I hope that he can give you the best, and even more." He let's out a shaky breath. I clench my jaw. What am I supposed to say?

"Gosh, sorry. Let's get going, yeah?" He shakes his head and gives me a soft smile. I nod and unlock the car door and step out. I have a little carry on bag, but other than that, nothing. I didn't want to bring any reminders.

I walk semi close to him. I feel as if he's a escort of mine and we're in the 1800's. We step inside the large building and I take in a deep breath. There are so many people here.

"Alex?" I utter, standing close to where my flight will be. He looks over towards me and blinks. He's confused.

I take his hand inside my smaller ones and let out a breath. "I don't hate you for what you did. I mean, I thought I did. I don't like what you did, but I don't hate you. I just felt like I would tell you that because-" I stop talking. My nostrils flare and a scent hits me. It's familiar. I shake my head. There's a lot of people here. Maybe it's one of Alex's friends.

"Final call for Tulsa." The voice over the intercom says. It's hard to hear but I pick up on it in an instant. I let out a shaky breath.

"I guess this is goodbye." I say under my breath. I stare at Alex's chest, unable to meet his eyes.

"You're welcome here anytime, Mama." He says, pulling me into a gentle hug. He squeezes me tightly. I wrap my arms around him and let out a soft sigh.
"I'll miss you." He utters. I swallow.

"I'll miss you too." I can barely make it out in a whisper. I pull away to go and catch my flight but Alex pulls me back and kisses my forehead. He's making it harder to leave. Tears well up in my eyes. I wipe them away quickly and let out a sigh.

"I really need to go." I say, forcing a smile onto my face. He finally let's go and nods his head, smiling back at me.

"Bye." I hesitate to leave. "I love you, mama." Alex calls as I'm walking towards my plane. I clench my jaw, and try to push what he had just said into the back of my mind.

I want to turn around and stay just a little  longer. I can't though. I've wanted to go home to Ryan and Taylor for the longest time. This is what I decided for myself. Ryan is my mate, and I know he deserves better than me, but I had to go back to him. I love him. Not Alex. I mean, I love Alex, but I love Ryan more.

I missed North's first birthday. I missed her first steps, and her first words. I cannot miss anything else. I wanted to go home and be with my little girl. I also want to be with my little boy. As I find a seat on the plane I wonder how a mother could just give her baby up for adoption.

I chew on my cheek, and force my mind to shut off. Just rest, Taylor. Every thing has a purpose. Maybe the moon goddess chose me to do this. Alexi might turn out to be something grand. He already is grand.

I buckle my seat belt and let out a breath.     
         I pray that Ryan still wants me.

This chapter made me kind of sad
:( what about you all?!? I absolutely LOVE reading your guys' comments about the chapters and how the book is going. I want to reply, but I really don't want to give away how the book will end. If you were Taylor, who would you go for? Ryan and North, or Alex and Alexi? Why?