Carrier (TPA2)

44

  "Once you lose someone, it's never exactly the same person who comes back."

     I apologize for the very late updates here recently. The good news is, I'm going to be able to update from here on out. Anyways, onto the story.

Song: HELLO by Adele. (:

    I sit crisscross on the bed, holding a sleeping North in my arms. She's absolutely beautiful. Her hair is a mess, her and Coen had spent the day playing.

My lips curl as I look down at my daughter. She's grown so much. I run my fingers through her curls and let out a soft sigh. I think about how when I went into Gloria's Coen stood in front of North to try and keep her from leaving. He even managed to growl. It was so cute.

I think about the two kids for awhile. I'm almost positive they may turn out to be mates. If not, I'm positive that they'll stay best friends for a long time. She curls against me and cuddles her head into my neck.

The bathroom door opens, and my eyes lift to see Ryan. He's dressed in a pair of sweatpants, his hair is darker because it's wet from the shower. I think about how much he has changed since I've been gone.

He used to be so easy going. That's what I liked about him. He would always try and find the best in every situation. That part of him seems to be gone. To me at least.

Now, it seems as though he's just trying to get through every situation, no matter the cost. He doesn't seem to have that genuine happiness he used to have with people.

I know earlier that when Lucas left, it wasn't because he wanted to. I'm sure Ryan had something to do with it. I'm positive. Ryan seems to get set off with every little thing. It's like everything makes him angry now.

He isn't the kind hearted-friendly Ryan that I fell in love with. It terrifies me to even think that. I furrow my eyebrows and try to consider the last time he was nice to someone outside of his family.

He still blames his mom for my kidnapping. She didn't do anything, but yet I can still see the angry in his eyes when he looks at her. He won't let go of the grudge.

I think he might have let his wolf take over his emotions. Every time I look at him, the man staring back at me isn't Ryan. It's his wolf.

I know deep down he is at least upset with me. I'm his mate, and I was supposed to be with him and North. Yet, he still finds it in his heart to forgive me. That's what makes me believe that Ryan still has some control over his wolf.

I furrow my eyebrows when we make eye contact. His eyes are puffy and red like he had been crying. He quickly takes his attention from me and turns towards the bathroom flicking off the light.

I take in a deep breath and rest North in the center of the bed against a pillow. She takes in a breath and rolls to her side. I stay still after.

"Will you tell me why you were crying?" I ask. Ryan let's out a sigh and runs his hands through his hair. His muscles flex. He looks so great.

"I ruined my family." He says swallowing. I furrow my eyebrows and he takes a seat at the side of the bed next to North.

"You didn't..." I whisper. I reach to put my hand on him but he shies away. I swallow. That hurt.

"I did. You know that. I had everything I ever wanted. I shouldn't have let you leave that day. I lost you. I lost myself." He sighs. "When I," Ryan pauses and looks at me, "when I slept with her I didn't think of anything. I just wanted to drowned the pain of you being gone out of my mind for a little while. I missed you more than words could explain. I didn't think about the possibility that I could get her, and I didn't think about how this could hurt you." He looks down at his hands and clutches his hands together.

"No one, and I mean it, no one can compare to you. I tried so hard not to compare her to you. No ones good enough for me." He sighs. No one is good enough for him. I chew on my cheek when he said that I'm not good enough.

"Except for you. You're everything I dreamed of and even more. Taylor I didn't mean for any of this to happen- I'm so so sorry. I didn't mean to be so stupid and I-" I have to stop him. It's tearing me to pieces. I feel guilty with every word that he's saying. I can't be mad at him. He doesn't know half of what happened between Alex and I.

"You didn't ruin anything, Ryan. I promise. I love you." I say softly. He looks over at me and let's out a soft sigh.

"I love you too, I'm going to put North in her room." He says. I nod my head and watch as he lifts our little girl up carefully and walks out of the room.

My wolf is aching to comfort him. He keeps on blaming himself for what happened. If I would have been here... I let out a sigh. It's all my fault.

My wolf whimpers. Neither of us will ever be able to heal unless our wolves heal first. I look down at my hands and close my eyes breifly. I want to get past all of this. All I want is it to be like it used to be. Happy.

"I can't wait for this day to be over with." Ryan mumbles stepping into the room. I look up at him and give him a soft smile.

"Me too." I whisper. He climbs into bed and pulls me against him. I silently tug the blanket over my body and sigh out loud.

"You're such a great Mom." He mumbles, pressing a kiss to my forehead. I shake my head and smile quietly.

"To be honest, I wasn't too sure about how good of parents we would be." He chuckles softly. My eyes close when he kisses my forehead again. I like that he had changed the subject, but he's so bipolar.

"I missed you so much." He mumbles, pressing his head against mine. I can't help but feel my heartbeat quicken.

"I still miss you. Even though you're right here." I sigh. I want him to feel like he can kiss me at anytime, and I want him to mark me again. I think that he want to mark me too. I want to be how we used to be, completely connected. Without that, it feels like we're strangers. He talks to me as if I'm a close friend. I want him to treat me like I'm his wife again.

"I-" he starts to talk and I let out a breath. "Ryan, just freaking kiss me." I mumble. He sighs.

"I can't just kiss you." He says softly. When he refuses to kiss me, I grab at the back of his head and gently touch my lips to his. A fire ignites inside of my body. My wolf is jumping with joy. I've missed him so much.

In an instant I'm pinned underneath him and he's trying to push his tongue into my mouth. I push him away for me when his hand slips underneath my shirt. I'm breathless as I stare up at Ryan. His eyes are dark, his wolf is taking over. My wolf whimpers because I pushed him away. They've been away from each other too long. They deserve to be with each other again.

"What about North?" I ask, my fingers digging into his hair as he kisses at my jaw line. Ryan was barely holding onto his control when he was talking to me earlier.

He lifts his head and looks down at me. His bottom lip is swollen and he furrows his eyebrows. "She won't know what were doing. My mom and dad used to do it when I was ten and knew what they were doing." He mumbles, leaning down and kissing me roughly. "Besides, she's asleep and we'll be quiet." He mumbles. I let out a soft sigh.

I grab at the ends of his hair and pull him into a passionate kiss. Maybe we need this.

Ryan makes love to me until the sun begins to rise.