[ P i p e l i n e ]

[ o 2 ] mourning [ r a v e n ]

mourning [n.]: 1. The act of expressing or feeling sorrow or regret; lamentation; 2. Feeling or expressing sorrow.

I ran my fingers through the soft notebook. It was clearly hand-made. Fae never left me bored when it comes to her creativity skills. The notebook was woven with two strings of blue yarn, and the cover was designed with a cotton-like texture that I cannot clearly decipher. But what I can only really tell was that the design had something like what you see in girly, “cute” scrapbook covers.

   I clutch the notebook in my hand really, really hard, and yet I try not to break it. I could feel the tears starting to sting in my eyes. Why did she have to ask for her neighbor to do it? Why? Why didn’t she just give it personally?

   I walk home alone in the cold, winter night. I tighten the scarf on my neck to make myself feel more warmer, and I hug myself, also hugging the notebook with me like I’m hugging her. Like she’s the notebook.

   Christmas lights glisten happily, like it’s mocking me. I imagine the colorful Christmas balls hanging on the big, twenty-five-feet-high Christmas tree have smiles on their reflective body. Showing me that they’re happy, but I’m not. They’re enjoying the occasion, but I’m not.

   Why did she have to do this now? Why now?

   I can’t take it anymore. The tears start to escape my eyes. The happy families passing by on the streets see me, but I ignore their faces. Different thoughts were clearly plastered on their faces. “Why is he crying? Is he crazy?” or “Poor guy. Will he be celebrating Christmas alone?”.

   I decide to read the notebook at home, where I can mourn peacefully without being interrupted.