[ P i p e l i n e ]

[ o 8 ] conflicting [ r a v e n ]

conflicting [adj.]: 1. Striking, or dashing together; fighting; contending; struggling to resist and overcome; 2. Being in opposition; contrary; contradictory.

I decided to take my laptop from my desk. I opened my e-mail and ignored the 10 new unread e-mails. Instead, I went to the folder I made where all of Fae’s e-mails were saved in. I read her very first e-mail hesitatingly, knowing full well that I might emote once I start reading. Again.

Hey!

This is my very first e-mail. <3 I am fully aware that yesterday was our first date, too. I had so much fun with the ducks! I can’t believe you don’t know how to feed the ducks. I mean, I also didn’t know that you were afraid they might bite you or something. You know, I never knew you had a weakness for ducks. But I guess that’s a new discovery for me :) I hope yesterday’s just one of our few first dates. :)

How are you? I’ve missed you already once I got home yesterday. I hope you’re as happy as I am <3

With so much love,

Fae >_<

   I opened her last e-mail that was sent just a month ago.

Hey.

I’m… sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to talk back to you like that.

I know It’s the first time you’ve ever seen me scream like that, but it’s just that you don’t know what I’m going through right now. The thing is, I don’t want you to know. I know that you’re asking yourself—or to me—“What? What is that thing you don’t want to tell me, anyway? Why won’t you tell me? What’s making you not tell me?”.

I just don’t want you to cry. Although I also know fully well that you’ll still cry once you figure it out (I came to the conclusion yesterday that whatever I do, you will know what’s happening, anyway).

First of all, I’m sorry that I can’t tell you. I just can’t find the guts to tell you, even by typing it here. I just don’t want to think or imagine you shed a tear. I just… can’t. I love you too much to make your cry, except when it’s because of something happy.

Second of all, you’re going to know everything. Soon. I promise. Someone will give you something soon. And I hope that you can forgive me once you know everything. I hope you really do.

Third, I’m so sorry to say this, but I’m moving. Right now. Actually, my family’s just waiting for me to close my laptop and walk towards the car for us to switch houses already. They think that you know we’re moving, but the truth is, you don’t. I’m so sorry for not telling you. I’m also not telling you where the new house will be. I just don’t want to make you see me as someone you didn’t see before. I just don’t want you to cry. Please… just don’t.

Also, whatever happens, please don’t change my mind. It’s been such a hard time doing this and thinking about this on my own for days now, and it would also be hard for me to change my mind in the last minute.

I don’t want you to see me after this. As much as I don’t want to type or say this personally, I really should. Or else you won’t find any new girl after this. Please, just find a new girlfriend after this. Maybe you can even find someone more worthy for you than me. Please.

And I’m sorry. But we should just… break up.

I’m sorry, Raven. I’m sorry.

Fae.

   It’s a little bit ironic that her first and last e-mail to me started with “Hey”, but ended with different punctuation marks.

   I find the tears rolling down my cheeks again.

   Why Fae, why?