[ P i p e l i n e ]

[ o 5 ] december 07 [ f a e ]

December 07, in the park

Hi again.

This is the third time I’m writing to you, and I really can’t believe that I’m still continuing this. But I guess it’s really important that I do, because if I don’t ever clear things up with you, I’m afraid that you’ll dig up even a bit of hate towards me. But I admit that I myself was to blame most of what happened. Of why I broke up with you. I just can’t say it right now. Maybe I’ll tell you that reason in one of the future entries.

You know, I remember the first time we dated. It was in the park a bus ride far from our houses. You were so excited back then; I could hear your enthusiasm on the other end of the phone when you asked me out on our first date, and that made me very excited, too.

The truth is, I was also afraid of what to wear that day, so I asked my mother to help me out. It was a little bit ironic though, knowing that the mother has a more sense of style than her daughter.

But right then, I was so grateful that my mother has a liking when it comes to fashion, or else I might wear something out of style or something that you wouldn’t like on our date. I was overly self-conscious on that day. Even my mother did my make-up for me.

I really do hope you thought of me as beautiful, though.

You know what? I think I should tell you the truth: I was afraid. Afraid that if you see me ugly or not wearing anything fashionable as a normal girl should wear, you would think of it as a major turn-off. That your girlfriend’s not “cool” or girlfriend-worthy.

I was too afraid.

And yet those two sentences made me smile. Those two statements you told me which made me think that you’re too nice. Maybe even too nice for your own good.

You told me, “Don’t make yourself do things you don’t want to. Be yourself, that’s all that matters to me.”

And that was when I concluded that I changed you too much, which is a very good thing, I guess.

I also remember that time when we fed the ducks. Once my eyes caught the ducks swimming in the pond, I dragged you over to the place and made you (did I make you do it? I’m sorry if I did, I was just too carried away with the thought of feeding the ducks in the park) buy me the food to feed for the ducks.

I told you that I’ve always loved feeding the ducks in that park, that whenever I remember or see those ducks, I couldn’t help but feed them. They were just too cute.

But I guess you probably know that I think every animal is cute. I’m an animal lover, remember? I even told you once that it would be awesome if people could take care of baby tigers or lions at home, and if they grow up and become too large for us to take care of, we’re supposed to surrender them to the zoo or something.

Haha, that memory just made me laugh. :)

Did that memory make you laugh, too?

I’m sorry, Raven. I need to go now. I just found the urge to feed the ducks again. Maybe I’ll write again soon. Maybe.

Fae.