Don't Let Me Go

Chapter 20

I kept my glare low, not wanting to face him cause I started to feel so bad for him when he looked at me like that.

"Why didn't you tell me that a girl came and wanted you to take her back? I know you said no but still, I want you to tell me stuff like that. It's pretty huge Harry. What if any guy I dated came around and asked me to take him back and I didn't tell you. You would've gone crazy." I spoke, looking at Harry who was looking right in to my eyes. I couldn't read his expression, I could always read him but not now and it scared me slightly. I was so used to just knowing how he felt since he showed everything through frowning eyebrows or popping out his dimples, but not now.

"You weren't my girlfriend when it happened." He murmured, not sure how to act.

"So?" I looked up at him, making his eyes slowly turn to face mine. He had the blank expression painted over his face that had gone paler during the conversation. I was getting worried about all this, what was he hiding?

"I'm sorry baby." He promised. "Who told you?" His eyes travelled up and down my body, his brows furrowed and I froze. 

"You know who did." I murmured, feeling like I shouldn't feel that guilty about meeting Zayn, he told me something Harry kept from me and he did a good thing when he told me that.

"I don't like you seeing him." Harry said with a fairly sharp voice but at the same time rather soft. I looked over at him but his glare was fixed on the floor, his own feet to be precise.

"I know you don't, but he told me something you kept away from me so maybe I should still see him since he is the one telling me stuff that you wont." I sighed. It was mostly true, Zayn had never done anything bad towards me but I understand why Harry doesn't want me near him. History has a way of repeating itself. 

"I will tell you everything you need to know, just please stay away from him." He begged, now looking with pleading eyes up towards me. It hurt seeing him that way, venerable and begging. That's not the Harry I knew, he was strong and he wouldn't let his guard down for anything though it kept surprising me when he did. 

"I'm not going to stay away from him Harry, he is my friend now. I would never leave you okay, don't even think about that. I will tell you everything, what we did, what we talked about, where we went. I'm not going to see him if it gets that way. You trust me, don't you?" I said dragging out the word 'that' so he understood what I meant.

"Yes I do but he's going to make you fall in love with him." He warned me.

"No, he isn't." I assured him. He looked down again, keeping his eyes from mine as we kept the conversation going. 

I felt bad about this whole situation but I needed to keep in mind that Harry was jealous and I hadn't really done anything wrong. I had no idea about their past. How could I've known since Harry doesn't share his life with me just like Ariel. I was getting pretty tired of that the ones closest to me never opened up while I could. I never really got the time though since Harry and I never talked about that sort of stuff together. 

Harry was looking up at me, his eyes had lost their sparkle but had gone from black to green. He was so beautiful, so lovely.

"Harry." I murmured, catching his attention. "You have to trust me as much as you love me." I spoke, feeling a bit relived saying that.

"I know." He spoke, moving a bit closer to me on the bed.

I was really not enjoying this moment. He was really hurt, he just wanted me to stay with him but he needed to understand that I wasn't going anywhere. After all we've been through he doesn't trust me the way he needs to, the way I deserves too. I know that I trust him more than I trust myself and it's insane how much I love him and the whole thing has gone so fast. He was so affected by me refusing to let a friend go just because he wanted me too, which made me realize how much he loved me back. 

Just because they had a past didn't mean that I needed to be apart of that past and make it affect my future. Zayn might become a good friend of mine and since he hadn't done anything bad I didn't see a reason for me not to be friends with him. Harry was just insecure about him taking his ex away but he didn't do anything really, it was up to her. 

"I love you so much Harry, I really do, but you can't expect me to do everything you want." I informed, taking Harry's massive hand in mine and right away his thumb started to stroke mine. It calmed me down in a such relieving way, it felt amazing and it was just his thumb brushing over mine. 

"I understand." He spoke and I could hear how he choked in his own tears. He didn't let them fall though, he was too proud.

"I love you, I always will." I promised before placing a kiss gently on his cheeks. "Don't act this way Harry, just because she left you for him doesn't mean I will, okay?"  I said, looking at Harry's tear filled eyes which just looked at the picture filled wall in front of us. 

"I love you more than what is healthy." He chuckled a bit in this moment filled with sorrow but I could still feel how his voice struggled to speak thanks to the big lump he had in his throat from holding the tears in. "I can't loose you." He sighed, chewing on his cheek. 

"I'm not going anywhere Harry, but please tell me it's okay." I begged.

"What is okay?" He said and I wondered sometimes if he had the memory of a goldfish.

"That I can be with Zayn whenever I want to without you overreacting." I said, placing a tiny smile on my face to lighten the sentence up but I understood that it didn't work when Harry rose up from the bed, standing in front of me on the floor.

"Just fucking drop it Ariel!" He shouted. 

It took me a while to actually puzzle the pieces together and when I finally understood it I was crying my eyes out. 

This whole time Ariel was the girl Harry dated, she was the girl Zayn took from Harry and that was why she got so upset whenever I talked about Harry. Katie, the girl Zayn said he spoke to, was Katie Harmon, the girl Ariel worked together with at the book store and not just a random girl. That night Ariel came home drunk was the night she got rejected by them both, probably, since she never got drunk like that on a work day. That was why Ariel warned me so much about him, she just wanted me to stay away from her ex. 

My head was spinning but everything made perfect sense. I understood so much more right now but I was really upset deep inside. Why in the whole world didn't anyone tell me anything? This needed a lot of explanation and I'm not even sure I can forgive any of them. 

"Ariel is the girl." I confirmed for myself and it made even more sense when I said it out loud. "Ariel is the girl." I sighed.