shawn mendes imagines {under editing}

what if

shawn mendes imagines
imagine xxvi
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avery's pov

"can i ask you something?" i asked, breaking the comfortable silence between my friend, shawn, and i, "something that might seem a little crazy." i had been keeping a secret from him, but knew that i couldn't any longer.

shawn was the first friend that i had made after i moved to canada from new york. he was assigned by the secretary to show me around school. now, three months later, we could be mistaken for life long friends.

we were currently walking around the streets of toronto, shawn showing me the sights that i have yet to see. he would point out and talk about everything we passed, and i took note of how happy he seemed to be living here. proud, almost.

i haven't told shawn about losing my leg and parents in a car accident almost two years ago, that a year and a half year ago my whole world was shattered right in front of me and i couldn't do anything to stop it. 

"of course you can," shawn said, casting a quick glance down at me.

we had been walking for a while, and i was now struggling to keep up with his long strides. desperate, i reached out and grabbed his arm, "can we slow down?" after the words left my mouth, i realized just how breathless i was.

despite feeling confused, he slowed down immediatley. we approached an empty bus stop, a glass bench inside. shawn nodded towards it, and i smiled softly. we walked into the small shelter, and both sat down on the seat.

i noticed his stiff posture as he spoke, "you didnt like, kill anybody, did you?"

despite myself, i laughed.

all at once, out of complete nowhere, memories of my parents sent me reeling. it was like stones were falling from the sky, each memory leaving a painful sensation behind as they crashed into me. i never knew my eyes were pooling with tears until i blinked and felt separate tears slipping down my cheeks.

"hey," shawn said, his eyes catching the tears, "hey, what's wrong? was it something i did? i-"

"no," i cut him off, chuckling sharply, "y-you didn't do anything." his thumbs swiped away my tears as they fell, and he slid closer.

"why are you crying, then?" he asked as his eyes - soft with worry - scanned my face quickly.

"i-i just feel bad," i looked up at him, and he gulped noticeably; his adam's apple rising in his throat, "i've been hiding things from you, and i-i don't think i cant anymore."

"hiding things?" shawn asked, "could you elaborate?"

i sniffled, not able to help but prevent the cry that rippled through me. shawn's arms found my body, wrapping around me and pulling me close to him. his chin rested against the top of my head, his fingers running along my back, "everything's okay. shhh."

i pulled away from him, "i-i'm sorry, you must think-"

"that something has been on your mind for a while, yes. talk to me," shawn cut me off, leaning against the back of the bench.

"i didn't move here with my sister and parents, i just came with my sister," i said meekly, not catching his gaze.

shawn chuckled, "you thought that i would be angry at you for that? avery-"

"i didn't come here with my parents because they died," i cut him off, shaking my head, "we were hit by a drunk driver two months before the move. they died on impact. i'm living with my aunt and uncle."

despite the darkness from the late hours of the evening, i seen his gaze soften. he remained silent, waiting for me to continue.

"i am not a figure skater like i said i was, when i got in the crash i lost my leg," i said, my throat feeling as though it was closing off; slowly minimalizing the amount of oxygen i could take in.

shawn's gaze fell to my leg and i leaned forwards, pulling up the material of my leggings as far as my knee. shawn's eyes widened, scanning the part of my prosthetic that stuck out. i kept my gaze on him, anxiously awaiting his reaction.

"a-avery," shawn whispered, "oh god. i had no idea. are you okay?"

"i-i'm fine," i nodded, "i was still critical when we flew over, we took an air ambulance. i just felt so bad for not telling you. you had this idea of me, and i thought that if you knew; you wouldn't want to be friends anymore."

"there is nothing that you could tell me about your past that would make me not want to be friends with you," shawn shook his head, "nothing."

"i almost had to be put in a care home, because i am only seventeen. i would have lost my sister, and after my parents, that scared me. my aunt and uncle heard what happened, and started to sort things out from this end. they made themselves our legal guardians, and we came over together," i said, a gust of wind blowing loose strands of my hair.

"you went through all of that," shawn said, "and i had no idea."

"i was pretty good at hiding it," i said quietly.

"does it hurt?" shawn asked, shying around the topic, " i mean-"

"no it's okay," i assured, "sometimes it does, yes, it can be unbearable. after the accident, i had nightmares and panic attacks. i still do, but i find it easier to control. i had to learn to walk again, and i was so discouraged. the fact that figure skating is off the table almost hurt more than the physical injuries. i kept getting stronger, and now walking on my own is easy."

shawn took in every word i said, his lips pulled into a frown, "i'm sorry."

"why are you apologizing?" i asked, pulling my leggings back down so the leg was hidden.

"i don't know," shawn admitted, shrugging, "i guess i'm just sorry that you went through all of that."

"we should keep walking," i said, slowly standing up. shawn nodded, standing too and leading me out of the bus stop.

"can i ask you something else?" shawn asked, cautious in not hurting my feelings with his words.

"yeah," i nodded, kicking at a stone on the sidewalk.

taking me by surprise, his arm found my waist and our chests crashed together. i gasped and lifted my head, only to have his lips find mine. i was frozen, but soon, relaxed within his hold and kissed him back. his lips were soft, gently moving against mine. his thumb caressed the skin of my cheek as he pulled away, "did you like that?"

i let out a shaky breath, my heart racing, "y-yeah."

"good," he breathed, "because i did too."

i smiled, wrapping my arms around his shoulders in one wift motion. his hands laid against my waist, our foreheads leaning against each others. he was the first to pull away, gently playing with my fingertips before entangling our hands.

despite being on the sidewalk, in the middle of toronto, at ten thirty at night; there was nowhere else i would rather have been.

wc: 1219

all works by me:
- shawn mendes imagines
- therapy |s.m|