shawn mendes imagines {under editing}

i'm here

shawn mendes imagines
imagine lxiv
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nicole's pov

i never imagined funerals to be this hard, especially since the death wasn't within my family. my boyfriend, shawn, just lost his best friend, brian, in a very tragic way, and it was hard to watch him in such a upsetting state.

i stood to the side of the funeral parlour, watching as he stood amongst his closest group of friends. they were next to the closed casket, and i could see shawn crying from here.

"he's so upset," aaliyah said from beside me, who had manny and karen at her side.

"i know, this is terrible," i wrapped my arms around my torso, watching as ian pulled shawn into a hug. matt joined, their faces buried.

i have seen him upset before, having been with him for just under two years, but never like this. it looked like his spirit had been sucked from his body, leaving the broken version of who he used to be. ever since brian's death in a fatal car accident, that also involved shawn, ian, and matt, he has been devastated.

often, he wakes up in the middle of the night, remembering every detail of the accident that miraculously, didn't harm either three boys. other times, it's like someone comes up behind him and scares him. he'll jump, look at his surroundings like he was expecting to see someone, then break down into tears. he also is terrified whenever i go somewhere in a car, scared that a drunk driver will come along and crash into me.

he's terrified.

"nicole, i think he needs you," aaliyah said, pulling me from my thoughts and causing me to meet eyes with ian, who was gesturing me over while continuing to hug shawn.

i hurried over to them and ian pulled shawn away and spun him to face me, earning another choked cry as he leaned into my embrace. i wrapped my arms around his waist and instantly felt my eyes well up, "shawn, baby, it's okay."

"why d-did he have to die? damnit," shawn croaked, attempting to yell but failing, "he c-can't be gone. n-nicole-"

"shhhh," i breathed, "come outside with me, you need some air."

i felt him nod against my shoulder before he lifted his head, allowing me to guide him out of the parlour. once outside, i sat both of us on the front steps and hugged him again. his shoulders shook, causing my heart to break.

"i can still hear him screaming," he whispered, his cries now only hiccups, "and the cops saying that he was gone before they even took us from the car. w-why did it have to be him? this h-hurts too much."

"i'm here, shawn, okay? i'm right here. i know how upset you are, i know, but i promise it will get better," i assured, kissing the side of his head, "i know it may not seem like it, but i know it will. i will be with you the whole time."

"it hurts," he whispered, "he's gone and i can't deal with it, i-i can't cope."

"i know," i cooed, "i wish i could make your hurt stop."

"he was my best friend for a-as long as i can remember," shawn mumbled meekly, looking out at the road and the cars that whizzed past, "and now he's gone. all because some drunk asshole decided to drive." i wrapped my arms around his shoulders, feeling him claw at the material of my dress, "fuck!"

"shhh, breathe," i whispered, a tear slipping down my cheek, "i want you to breathe for me."

he looked at me, his bloodshot eyes locked on mine, "you don't know how scared i get sometimes when you tell me that you are going to a friends or the store. i get so scared that what happened to us, will happen to you. i never want you to get hurt, or k-killed."

he hugged me, continuing to sputter through his tears, "i-i can't go through this again."

"you won't sweetheart," i assured, rubbing his back, "because i will never leave. you will always have me."

"i will?" he asked unsurely, clutching onto my hand. tears continued to stream down his cheeks, and i was quick in wiping them away with my thumb.

"you will," i confirmed, wanting nothing more then for him to feel some sort of peace.

shawn sighed shakily, "i guess i should go back in. will you stay with me? i-i can't do this by m-myself."

"of course," i nodded, standing up and offering my hand. he took it, pushing himself to his feet. i smiled at him, before standing on my top toes and pressing my lips to his. when i pulled away, i forced my eyes to divert away from his quivering chin.

"baby?" shawn said as i reached for the door handle.

"yeah?" i turned back around to face him.

"i love you," he mumbled, "so much. thank you for being here."

"of course, i love you too," i nodded, grabbing his hand and squeezing it tight, "in here shawn, i'm right here."

he nodded slowly and let out a trembling sigh. i leaned into his embrace and let him hold me, knowing deep down that he didn't want to go back in.

"ready?" i asked once i pulled away again, rubbing the back of his hand with my thumb, "don't force yourself to go back in."

"i-i'll never be ready to say g-goodbye like this,"  shawn shook his head, "but if i have you, i'll be able to bare it."

wc: 953

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