shawn mendes imagines {under editing}

losing you

shawn mendes imagines
imagine xix
-
maria's pov

as i came home from the store and set the groceries on the island, i took notice of the silence that consumed the whole house. i glanced into the living room, where shawn was working when i left, and furrowed my brows upon noticing that he wasn't there.

"shawn?" i called, heading up the stairs towards our bedroom. the door was slightly ajar, leaving me to assume that he was in there.

pushing open the door,my eyes landed on shawn;  who was sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.

"shawn?" i question, nervousness overcoming me when he looked up at me with tear stained cheeks, "what's wrong, my love?"

he stood and wiped his tears hasitly, trying to play off like he was okay, "nothing doll, i'm okay. i'll put away the groceries."

"the groceries can wait right now. tell me what's bothering you," i say, gently taking his hand in mine and squeezing it reassuringly.

he sat back down on the bed, a look of pure defeat plastered across his face. i don't think i have ever seen him look so worn out.

"i-i'm scared," shawn trailed on, a silent tear leaving his eye and splashing onto his jean clad thigh.

i've rarely seen shawn cry, or show any kind of nergtive emotion.when i have, it breaks my heart. he always keeps himself so well put together that i rarely see the cracks and his moments of weakness.

"why would you be scared?" i ask, rubbing the back of his hand with my thumb. i brought my lips to his temple, letting them linger there for a moment, "everything's fine. there's nothing to be scared of, hun."

"i-i have a three month tour booked," shawn rasped, putting his head in his hands again. his back shook as sobs poured from his lips. i frowned at his state, confused as to why a tour is this upsetting to him. this is what he's been working towards in his career, so i had been expecting a different reaction.

"baby," i titled his chin up so he was looking at me, "that's amazing, i'm so proud of you! this is what you have been pushing for."

i was practically jumping in my spot, and he was the complete opposite. he shook his head, allowing me to wipe away his tears.

"no it's not, it's three months away from you, maria. what if during those three months, you begin to feel differently about me? what if i lose you?" shawn questioned, his bloodshot eyes now looking into mine.

i almost laughed, but when i realized that he was actually scared; serious about losing me, i held it in.

"baby," i cooed, "you're never going to lose me. i'll miss you, but you're going to be living your dream, having so much fun! i don't want you worrying about losing me while you are out doing what you have always wanted to."

"but-" shawn started, his back shaking.

"no buts, don't worry about something like that. i'll never love you any less, no matter if your here or not," i smiled, rubbing his back with the palm of my hand, "never think that, my love."

"i just didn't want you to go and find a guy that would always be with you, knowing i can't," shawn mumbled, pulling me into his chest and holding me tightly; afraid i may let go.

"that will never happen, baby, because even though your not always here, i'll never love somebody like i love you."

he kissed my forehead and i reached up, wiping away the last of his tears. i leaned up and pressed my lips to the only tear stain that remained.

"remember during your first tour, you gave me a plane ticket so we could meet up incase i needed you or just wanted to be there for a few of your shows?" i asked, looking up at him.

he nodded, glancing down at me.

"well, i never used it yet. it's still in it's envelope upstairs," i said, "maybe i could-"

"you can come on tour with me!!" shawn exclaimed, "i don't know how i never thought of that, it would be so much fun."

i laughed, "no, i meant i could meet up with you when i missed you-"

"no! you can come with me! we have so much room on the bus, it's only andrew, geoff, the band and i. plus, you won't be missing any school! please," shawn pleaded, almost killing me with his big eyes and slightly pouted lip.

his grip on my hands was so tight, causing me to wince. i sighed, smiling slightly.

"but andrew-"

"i know he will say yes," he cut me off.

i caved, "when do we leave?" 

"baby!" shawn exclaimed, "this is going to be amazing!" he tackled me on the bed, supporting himself on his forearms that were on either side of my head.

i giggled, grabbing his face and pulling him into a kiss. he kissed me back, eventually letting his arms give out. his body laid ontop of mine, causing a groan to slip past my lips. 

"you are heavy," i breathed, causing him to laugh and push himself off me.

he laid down beside me, kissing my collarbone, "you are my life now. i wouldn't be able to live without you."

"i know," i started playing with his hair, "you'll never have to."

wc: 928

all works by me:
- shawn mendes imagines
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a/n: sorry for another terrible imagine:((