Izuki: *big breath*
1) Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"
2) When two glow-worms met in the dark, it was larva at first sight.
3) To vulcanize is to become like Spock.
4) I went to buy some camouflage pants but I couldn't find any...
5) A man walks into a bar with some asphalt. He says, "A beer please, and one for the road."
6) A TV repairman's job is to get set to work.
7) You use a lumber jack when your tree is flat.
8) The race car driver had a checkered past.
9) The flower that wilted was in desperate need of a stem cell transplant.
10) A prominent orchestra was performing Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. At one point in the final moment of the symphony, there is a long stretch - over 20 minutes - where the bass violins don't play a note. So, rather than just sit there, the section leader suggests that they sneak out and go to the bar across the street. Everyone agrees with this idea and the go across to the bar. In fifteen minutes, they become rather drunk.
Random Bass: We'd better get going. Our part is almost coming up.
Section Leader: Relax! When he gets to the part, he won't be able to conduct. I tied the score shut. We'll be fine.
They have one final round of drinks before they staggered drunkenly to their seats.
Sure enough, the conductor has stopped the orchestra to try to untie his score. While doing this, he looks very upset and frazzled. An audience member notices this and comments on his nervousness. A mane replies, "Of course he's nervous! It's the bottom of the ninth, the score is tied, and the basses are loaded!"
11) The historian loves reading about bobcats. They are lynx to the past.
12) A pet store had a bird contest with no perches necessary.
13) Batman bought a hat. He wanted to be the capped crusader.
14) A psychiatrist on a hike fell into a depression.
15) My friend is moving to Seoul for his job. He thought it was a good Korea move.
16) The shop that sold ceramic heads was a bust.
17) I knew I had to pay the mobster. It was a matter of life or debt.
18) Scarecrows are real experts - they are often outstanding in their field!
19) Did you know that autopsy is a dying practice?
20) There was a teller at a bank, Ms. Jane Paddywack, who was trying to make it through her last couple of customers and get out to lunch, when a small frog came jumping up the line and up to her window.
Frog: I'd like a lily-pad renovation loan.
Jane: Um... I'll have to see some collateral first.
Frog: Of course!
The frog proceeds to drag up a large, ivory statue of a... thing. She didn't even know how to describe it, let alone know what it was. So, she brought it back to Mr. Stein, the bank manager. He had been at the bank for a while, and had seen the frog come in for numerous loans before. So, he said...
"It's a knick-knack, Paddywack! Give the frog a loan!"
21) I went to a seafood disco last week... I pulled a mussel.
YOU ARE READING
Never ✧ KnB x Reader Oneshots
Fanfic♡ ✧ Giving up? Why, my dear, I have never heard of it ✧ ♡ [UPDATE]: not going to be continued due to lack of interest
