Tainted Redemption

Chapter twenty-two

*Long chap ahead, sorry if it annoys anyone. If there's typos, sorry again. Don't forget to vote.x

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Olivia's POV

Once I give him that passionate, loving kiss, I lean back, holding the sides of his face still, peering at him silently. His hands are resting on my waist, syrupy eyes pouring to mine.

"I'm sorry... I don't know what took over me, I'd never leave you." I tell him in an almost whisper. I truly wouldn't.

It's just with all that I'm dealing right now, and my mum's words, it got too much. Even now there's million thoughts racing my brain.

He pressed his lips to mine in acceptance.

I tighten my arms around his neck, breathing in his scent, he squeezed me back, then I release him.

Needing to compose myself, I took a plastic bottle with water that was on my nightstand, drinking swiftly out of it.

"How will we do it for you to leave, there's the cops still there?" I question groggily after gulping as much as I could whilst Zayn is gazing at me thoughtfully, my tear stained face was itching.

He is leaning on the wall, just next where the bean seat is, looking pensive and preoccupied with something. I put the bottle back at its place.

"I'm not leaving yet." he replied lastly, "We still have to talk." Expression serious.

"About what?" I muse.

"About how you feel." he begins like it's obvious, "Is there something else that bothers you? Do you want anything else?"

"Zayn." I said exasperated. I thought we moved on from that, I don't want to feel guilty again.

"What? I wanna know if this isn't the last time you plan on dumping me."

"I wasn't..." I sighed, wiping my cheeks. I guess I really made it look like I gave him an ultimatum when I said he should go. But I just needed a little space.

His challenging gaze falters, posture sagged and he pushed himself away from leaning on the wall, taking confident steps towards me.

Once before me, I feel his fingers wipe the remnants tenderly away, I melt to him, he moves my head up so I can look at his emotional eyes.

"I really don't want us to fight." he mumbles.

"Me neither." I retort, "But it was just that, a fight. I wasn't looking for one, I only got overwhelmed and I had to get that out of my system." I explain, he sighed relieved, "I want you as you are." I say confidently, his eyes soften when another tear slid down my cheek, "I can't seem to stop, it's annoying right?" I mutter when he swiped his thumb on my cheek bone.

He shook his head, "I envy you...That you can cry." he explained, I frowned.

"What do you mean?" I manage to question, his eyes are very bright, seas of honey, I got my answer by his stare, "You can't cry?" I quietly asked, face sobering and eyes widened, I'm mortified when he nods and that he has carried those feelings inside. Not being able to cry is the worst.

Daintily I remember when my parents got divorced how I couldn't cry for months. It's such a hollow feeling, tangled with depressive thoughts, those days hadn't felt real to me simply because I couldn't cry. I can only imagine how hard it must be for Zayn.

"The last time I did was when my mum died..." he exclaimed sadly, that long? "There were times I was close to it, but..." he shrugged helplessly, "That is why I find that you look pretty while you do...not the part where you're sad, just the fact that you can mesmerizes me, and your bambi eyes really stand out."