Tainted Redemption

Chapter thirty-four

Zayn's POV

I knew the second I'd get out of her house it was only a matter of time before I'd regret it but my hot headed asş never learns.

And I did get sorrowful.

Though I wanted to be careful, I just didn't know what to do when she said I had knocked her up, still don't... I fuckıng impregnated her. Talk about being careful.
All I know is that it should've gone differently. It's four days since then and I'm restless, frustrated, I can't sleep and I have this weird feeling in my chest that makes me worry about her more than I used to.

She's pregnant...I still can't wrap my head over that fact.

She said it was because we didn't use protection when we got together...how the fūck could we forget? Either way, I didn't find it in me to regret it.

Running a hand through my dirty hair, I sigh heavily before taking a gulp of scotch, slumping further on the seat while looking at the water's reflection where the fish is swimming.

Nearing the small tank while my forearms rest on the desk, "You miss her too, buddy, huh?" I ask lowly, the fish consoling me when I'm reminded how she taught me to look after it, then kept feeding it by herself, she likes it more than me, though I'm more fond that she bought it to me. Those days were great memories...

Getting back from reminiscing, I can see my hollow eyes on the glass in front of me, blood shot from drinking, the dark bags under them and how my face had sunken... You would think I find out about someone fuckıng dying and not something that would make every sane man happy to hear from the love of their life...yeah, I know how normal couples are, I even wished I'd have the same mentality, it'd make a lot of things easier for me, I'd been saved from all the fūck ups and not knowing what to do to win Liv back and if I weren't tied by a mob and would've grown up under different circumstances I'd be a normal lad. But here I'm worrying and upset over something that is viewed as a blessing.

I don't deserve anything good coming my way.

Occasionally I look around the bland office, I'm stuck in my study with the same pair of clothes I went to see her, I haven't done anything but sit here and think. I missed her, there doesn't pass a day without thinking about her.

Images run before my eyes...I remember our conversation and how I didn't find the right words to say because I was shocked, upset and don't deserve her... The second she confessed, I felt like my head was drowning.

Firstly, it all got clear the changes she had. I noticed how moody she became, her raised sēx drive which even with our routines seemed too much; though I loved it, I shook my head to myself that I thought it was something casual. Her face seemed to shine, she was radiating, then her body, and lastly the times she nearly fainted... I had a nagging in my brain, subconscious if you will, kinda like warning me but I didn't want to fuckıng see. She even came to tell me if she hadn't gotten upset over the stunt I did with that blonde chick.

That's what she was hiding.

Secondly, it came out of no where even if her behavior made sense. I felt my demons gobble me up by that information and I blamed her. I said some awful words that should've never left my mouth when we're both to blame, actually I was more since I didn't last and had nut into her without remorse, now I should do the right thing and grow some bąlls, shouldn't I? I should just fuckıng take care of a piece of me I made, yeah?

I wish it was that fuckıng easy. But when you are me, things are always complicated, and with what was happening it was just meant to be a chaos.

And that was the last issue that produces all the others.