Tainted Redemption

Chapter sixteen

Song for the chapter: One direction - Irresistible

Ashiqui 2 - Tum hi ho

*a.n/Emotional chap coming your way, gird your loins. I apologize in advance for that. Give me some votes please, thanks for reading my story. :)

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Olivia's POV

Long are the nights once my days had revolved around him... It's a week and a half since my birthday but I can't bring myself to stop thinking about it as if it were yesterday.

What did I do?

I can't sleep, I can't eat. It's worse than ever before because I know it was too much this time. Even though it's better this way, I'm reminded that without him my happiness is gone.

I'm heartbroken but this time it's different. Because I'm not hurt for myself, I'm having the blues because I hurt the one I'm in love with. I never knew how much this could cause pain. I'm always seconds from meeting him even if he most certainly doesn't want to see my face. It takes everything in me not to call him even if he won't pick up or worse say something hurtful.

Skittish sighs leave me at the feeling of this not subsiding, of always being like this. Maybe I deserve it for treating him so badly. I've become someone I loathed. I'm inflicting pain to protect myself, but what does that mean for him? How could I do that?

I tried to get Louis to arrange a meet up with him again but I see it now, it's not going to happen. I have no right. I wouldn't ask him to be with me because I stand to the thought that something will urge me to hurt him again. I haven't forgiven him completely as I thought I had last time, I don't even have a strong reason for leaving him that way when I could have woken him up and told him I couldn't do it, that is why this between us shouldn't change, we should remain separated. But I want to at least talk about it, so I can apologize...

Is this how it felt like for him when I didn't want to hear him out?

"Livy?" My dad questioned softly, I blink quickly to assess my surroundings.

I've forgotten that I'm in the middle of the shooting room, where my father is waiting for me to move.

With a sigh, I let the gun that I had in a tight grip down the table beside me, the scattered targets where I hit the black outline of a person in the middle of the head multiply times is disturbing but that just means I'm a good aimer.

"I'm not feeling it today." I absently explain myself, putting away the glasses that are for protection too.

Turning to him, he frowns gradually.

"What's wrong, princess?" he asks gently as I try not to cringe at the way he calls me.

Gazing at him solemnly, "Do you ever feel an emptiness in your chest and can't explain why?" I blurt out, his bright eyes bulge at my serious tone, "You know what can change the way you're feeling, make you be better but know it's wrong."

"Liv-"

"No, let me finish please." I plead, stern eyes on him then sit on the chair that I draw back, my elbows resting atop of the back's chair that I've sat on in the opposite way and look up at dad. "It's like nothing else will ever compare to the freeing feeling the thing you want gives you. But even the road to that thing is so rocky and exhausting and you aren't sure if you even want to have it because you're convincing yourself it's wrong." I say passionately, forgetting that I'm talking to my father, "But it's so addicting that you think how can something so wrong feel so good?"