Intoxicated

Chapter 20

Cam POV

I held onto her as she slept tightly. I was tired but, I couldn't sleep now. Not after realizing everything that was going wrong for her. I couldn't give her what she wanted.

I thought I could fix everything, but there's always a flaw.

I couldn't be what she wanted or better yet give her what she wanted.

Yeah, I wanted kids as a human but, that was thrown away many many years ago when I was turned. I gave up on the whole thing. I couldn't make it happen so why hold onto it? Why not just try to enjoy the gift I was given with all I had instead of being mad at that one problem.

I loved being a vampire but this...this was the only reason I would change, for her.

I laid in the bed with her wishing I could change all of this. Wishing I met her at a different time. When I was human. I would treat her the same showering her with nothing but love and I would be able to give her this. I would have married her and when she was ready, I would give her all the kids she wanted. We would grow old together and our love would be everlasting.

I smiled thinking about us being that family on the beach. Just full of love and happiness. Having other people see us and being jealous and wanting what we have. That's all I could think about till she started shifting and woke up. We looked at each other for a few seconds but, she looked away as her heart sped up.

"Say what you have to say" she barely whispered looking down. "Why don't you just tell me what you've been thinking" I whispered pulling her closer to me. She swallowed hard and shook her head "Nothing. I'm fine" I picked her head back up looking at her brown anxious eyes. "You don't have to lie to me. It's okay I know you're not but, holding it in won't make it disappear"

She broke eye contact and I could tell she was ready to break down but, she fought. Like hell she fought.

She shook her head and turned away trying to stop the tears from falling. Her breathing was shaky as her whole body tensed up. I hated seeing her like this and now knowing that there wasn't much I could do to fix it hurt. All I could do right now was wrap my arms around her tightly and kiss her cheek over and over.

"I'm sorry.... if I could be human for you, I would. In a heartbeat... I would give everything up to give this to you" I whispered leaning my head against her shoulder closing my eyes.

"I love you for who you are" she whispered and I swallowed hard kissing her shoulder. I knew that, I wouldn't ever question her love for me. But, I knew this hurt her and I knew secretly she wished that at this moment we were a normal couple.

"But.... I can't give you what you want"

She froze up and didn't respond as her heart sped up even more. She knew that I knew what the problem was. Would she openly talk about it now? Could we come up a way to fix it?

"We could figure something out if this is what you want. I-" She shook her head again placing her hands on mine shrugging "It doesn't matter Cam. It's okay"

"It's not okay. Through this whole thing you've had to accept all this and give up things. I won't let this happen" She gave up her whole life to be with me and now I had to make up give up her future dream of being a mother? I couldn't look at her and be okay with it, not after knowing how much it meant to her.

She just shook her head again after I spoke and it pissed me off. Why wasn't she even willing to try? Maybe she thought there was no hope at all? There was always hope. It may not be the same but, something could work out.

"We can... adopt or have it artificially done" She froze for a second then pulled away sitting up. I closed my eyes trying to calm down while I laid there on my side. Maybe this is why she doesn't want to talk about it.

"I'm not trying to make you hurt anymore, I just want to give you what you want, a baby" Her heart skipped a beat she turned to me as the tears started to finally fall. She took a deep breath looking at me shaking her head.

"It's not from you..." she whispered out looking down at her fingers and her chest rose up and down quickly. "If we were to do any of that, it still wouldn't be yours Cam" I sat up understanding that, but it would matter to me. "Yes it wouldn't be mine biologically, but they would still be mine" I argued and she shook her head closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.

"I want it to be yours Cam and it's not gonna happen, I accept it now" she stated looking over to me and I tell that was partially true. She was still hurting but, she seemed to calm down a bit. I, on the other hand, was ready to fight for this. I was ready to start this whole process this second if she was ready.

"So you're just giving up?" She nodded. "Can we just forget about this right now" she whispered and I sighed nodding.

I could tell it was still there but I couldn't force her if she wasn't ready. She knew what could be done for us if she wanted to take that step and when and if she was ready, I would be here. That's all I could do.