[A/N: I'm sorry if this chapter is a little shorter than my others, I've had a ton on my mind, hence the subject of this. Please read at your own accord, the subject may turn out touchy. Also I'm so sorry for updating so late, I'm very sick and needed a lot of rest.]
Akashi Seijuro X Male! Reader
_________
(Narrator P.O.V.)
In my head resonated many things, many many things. Regrets, voices, things I knew I should've done to help you when you needed it. I may be sitting here, in front of you, but I don't deserve to be here right now... The only thing I deserve right now is to switch places with you, to be in the very spot that I put you in.... I know you would tell me, if you could, that this wasn't my fault.... But it was.... I coddled you when I should've loved you, I treated you like a woman when you needed to be like man, I asked for permission when I should've surprised you... all of this is my fault.... You right across from me... me right across from you. Your eyes are avoiding me, why is that? Can't you see that I'm right here? Can't you tell I already feel bad enough as it is? I'm right here, looking down at you, not figuratively... I didn't mean for any of this to happen... It just did.
I'm sorry! Ok?! It was all my fault that you are here and not the other way around. It was all because of me that this had happened; it was because I was trying to avoid this very thing that it caught up to me and happened.... I was afraid that my past would repeat itself and that I'd lose you, just like all those before you. I've lost everyone in my life before you, and now I know that the same is going to happen now that you're gone.
I lost it all.... Okay? Is that what you want to hear? Is that going to get you to look at me? It's all my fault!
His friends embraced him as his tears streamed down his face onto his nicely tailored shirt
I should've been the one... it should be me avoiding your gaze, I should've been the one to be there...
I have nothing more to lose, and sadly not much to gain now that you are there and I am here... please look at me.... Please reassure me that you aren't mad at me. Don't make me go home and try to drink this all away, because it will come back....
I know we can never go back to how it was, I do... I just wish that you didn't start to hate me a week before our wedding day... I know that this is my problem and that I can't fathom your wavering gaze anymore.
Look at me! Please, stop looking elsewhere and tell me! Tell me where it all started to go down hill? Tell me the exact moment I went wrong, the exact moment you locked your heart away. I can't stand you looking like this....
I'm going to shut the door.
He felt a warm touch on his shoulder, his best friend, and supposed best man, stood beside him holding back the fountain inside.
Don't you dare say anything... Nothing you say right now will change the fact that what has been done has been done...
The man beside him choked up a little but then his mouth opened:
"It's not your fault"
Those are the exact words that you have no right in saying! It is my fault, all my fault...
"I know..." he replied to his friend "but there is always a 'what if' in play."
Always a 'what if'.
What if, I was there? What if you didn't fall out of love? What if I still love you? What if this was all my fault? What if I forgive you? What if you forgave me? What if all of this is just some shitty romance and you aren't really avoiding me? What if....
"Don't get stuck on the what if's," his friend replied gripping tighter on his shoulder "remember the amazing times, the times when his gaze was locked on you."
His gaze was never on me... it was on the future, that's just how he worked. He thought about the what if's, but then again he's now avoiding me.....
I know he's not choosing to ignore me, I know that he has to.... but I wish that we could've waited a few years until I had to bury the man I love 6 feet under... Life isn't fair... Making me close the door to the cascate, look into his glazed over eyes set to the sky, hold the wedding bands that we were going to put on each other in one weeks time.... It's all my fault that he's here and not me.... I sent him on that errand to the store, and it was robbed.... He tried to be a good samaritan and stop the robber...
"The police said that on the tape he was kind and gentle to the end" the friend said "He tried to stop the robbery, he almost had them too until the FBI showed up and spooked him... his trigger finger was at the ready..."
"Stop"
I know... I even watched the tape out of my own damn curiosity... I watched him die....
"Sir, it's time"
A man spoke to me, his collar stained with a white square of status, a worn out bible in his hands.
"I understand" I can't believe this is really happening....
He walked up to the cascate and closed the door, the only thing holding their relationship alive. He, and a few others, slowly descended his lover below, inch by inch.
I'm doing this just so I can let you down one more time before I die.... I love you , and always will but please don't condemn me if I move on....
Don't hate me if I fall in love with someone who resembles you... I'm yours and
You
Are
Mine.
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A/n: Again I'm so sorry that this is out late, I slept in well past what I should've but that's due to me being very sick. Also Sorry that this turned out so sad... Like I said earlier I've had a ton on my mind for the last few days and this was me venting those emotions. I wish you guys the best, and my inbox and message board are open if you ever need to talk about anything (even if it's just a conversation about flowers, I'm open).
Sorry if there are some spelling or grammar errors... I'll fix them eventually.
Requests are OPEN!
Possible next chapters (Most voted chapter will be Next):
When you comment if you want the chapter to be a lime, lemon, smut or anything in particular (i.e. fetish, tick, turn on, etc) please leave that in your comment as well, if you don't mind then you don't have to specify; I just want to produce the type of chapters you guys want, thanks and have an amazing day:
1. Hanamiya Makoto (Kuroko no Basket)
2. Kiyoshi Teppei (Kuroko no Basket)
3. Tanaka Ryunosuke (Haikyuu!!)
4. Ennoshita Chikara (Haikyuu!!)
5. Roy Mustang (Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood)
6. Other?
